February 6 2007 – #97

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"How Can I Focus Alone?"
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Heather says that one of her "burning questions" about 
Focusing is how to do it alone.

Focusing alone has always been harder for me that Focusing 
with a partner, and most people (not all!) seem to have a 
similar experience. However, we can turn that around into a 
positive by saying, if you can Focus successfully with another 
person, you can draw on that experience to Focus alone more 
successfully too.

There are three main benefits to having a Focusing 
partner:
* the quality of containment
* the quality of 
warmth and acceptance
* the quality of staying on track, or 
following the thread.

So how can I give a quality of containment to myself when 
Focusing alone? I can set aside a special time for Focusing, and 
keep my commitment no matter what. I can make my Focusing 
"spot" a special one, perhaps by placing a beautiful scarf or 
lighting a candle. I can set a timer, which gives a containment 
of time--I have agreed with myself to Focus for this long.

How can I give myself a quality of warmth and acceptance 
when Focusing alone? Well, I might want to remember 
someone with whom I feel unconditional love, and even have a 
photo or a symbol of that person with me. Or, my favorite, 
someTHING that loves me: a teddy bear.


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Staying with the Process or Following a Track
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Without a Focusing partner helping us stay with the process, we
might need some extra help with Focusing alone. Here are 
some of the methods that people have used.

(1) Have a piece of paper or even a Focusing journal in front of 
you when Focusing, and write there, just briefly, the few words 
that describe what you're feeling or that come from that inner 
place. If you lose track or forget what you were doing, you can 
open your eyes and look at the last words.

(2) Speak out loud while you're Focusing. I find this VERY 
helpful. If I don't frame my words into speakable sentences, I 
find myself thinking about six things at once. But speaking 
keeps me slow and on one track.

I was just hearing from a woman who has voice recognition 
software, and she speaks to her computer while she's Focusing, 
and it writes down what she says. Cool!

(3) You might want to have in front of you a set of Focusing 
stages or steps. A version of mine can be found at the link 
below. You could say these out loud as you go through the 
process, or say them to yourself silently, whatever works.

(4) Some people draw the felt sense, or draw the story, or use 
colored pens to "mind map" what is coming. Whatever works!

Self-Guiding Steps -