Using Focusing with Depression
Fran writes: "I would like you to write about how to use Focusing with depression. I am
going through another bout and on my way to the doctor and antidepressants. I say hello
often to the feelings that come up, the parts of me that have a sense of heaviness,
hopelessness, sadness, grief and the part of me that feels such compassion for all these
feelings. And the tears well when I allow all of this in my awareness."
Dear Fran,
It sounds like this is a tough time you’re going through, and I know you wouldn’t be
considering antidepressants unless you felt you really needed them. I have no easy
answers about depression. Things have been hurting a long time, to get to such a state.
Having said that, though, there are a few possibilities I can offer.
First, let’s find out if it would be possible to release the label "depression." I do
understand that it can be a relief to get a diagnosis. What seemed like overwhelming
darkness with no end is actually a recognized condition. But…
But for the purposes of Focusing, let’s release all previous labels, and approach
this experience freshly, right now this moment. Sensing how it feels, and allowing a
fresh sense to form, right now. What does this mean, "allowing a fresh sense to form"?
You are saying hello to feelings, and that’s excellent. But feelings (emotions) are not
the same as felt senses. Emotions run in grooves, socially and situationally
determined. Emotions can repeat, over and over, and repetitive emotions are one of the
dead ends of psychological process.
A felt sense forms freshly, here and now. It takes us beyond (or underneath) our labels,
our emotions, and our stories. It takes a moment, maybe two, to form. It also needs a
sense of stepping back, opening out a bit wider, some breathing room inside. And that’s
not so easy when you’re up against painful inner experiences.
Enough Presence for Focusing
To allow a felt sense to form, we need some Presence. The good news is, we don’t need to
feel great, confident, strong, etc. We just need to feel "one breath wider" than the trouble.
Breath itself, your breathing, is one way to find some Presence. Another way is to feel
your seat, the contact of your body on what you are sitting on.
My clients also get very positive results from using a hand to represent Presence. I
say, "You might let a gentle hand go to the place in your body where you’re feeling that.
Like you’re saying, with your hand, ‘Yes I’m here with you’."
Once you have even a little bit of Presence, then let go of words and labels and sense
freshly what it — the place inside — feels like right now. What it feels like —
that is an invitation for metaphors and funny combinations of words, like "scared-hiding-numb."
It is this steady interested company for what is here now that will open a space for
naturally-arising change.