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You're
not doing what you need to do. The piles are getting higher. The emails
from the people you promised are sounded more and more annoyed. The
nasty voice in your head is clamoring for your blood. But you still
aren't doing a thing.
What's going on?
Some people in
this situation have discovered they have a non-standard brain function
known as ADD–Attention Deficit Disorder. It can make ordinary tasks
seem impossible, and a diagnosis in itself can be a great relief.
We
heard from a reader who hopes her story can help others. "I was in my
sixties before questioning a lifelong assessment, first by others, and
then self-inflicted, of laziness. Just this summer, despite a long
successful journey of Focusing and meditation, I suddenly went into
panic attacks over lost items, then collapse and isolation for two
days. Enough was finally enough. A psychologist friend had several
times recommended being tested for Adult Attention Deficit Disorder,
and suggested consulting an ADD specialist and this time I did it.
Procrastination, lateness, 'working below potential' evaluations, day
dreaminess, disorganization of time, space, and paper–these are
classic symptoms, and I had them. A month later I was in treatment.
"Medication
and therapy help, but the biggest recovery is finally knowing that it
was not a character defect. I felt unworthy of Presence and was
blocking it unknowingly in the midst of Focusing."
"I'm sure there must be some good reason…"
So, for you, it might not be ADD. But this much we do know: there is some good reason that something in you isn't doing what it's supposed to do.
What are some other possibilities?
Here
are four that I've identified, that you can hear more about in my Releasing Blocks to Action CD set. I call them Patterns.
The Pattern of Protection.
This is when the part that doesn't want to do the action is worried
that something bad will happen to you if you do the action. For example: my part that didn't want me to write creatively because that would bring on my father's criticism.
The Pattern of Rebellion.
This is when the part that doesn't want to do the action is in a power
struggle with the part that says you have to, and it's darned if it
will give that other part the satisfaction. (Yes, this power struggle
can end, but it's going to involve acknowledging both parts…)
The Pattern of Unfinished Business.
This is when there is some kind of stopped process that needs your
attention, and the only way it can get attention is by blocking your
action. For example: You never really grieved your kitty's death, and the papers are going to keep piling up until you stop and do that.
The Pattern of Inner Guidance. This is when there is something not right about the action, and something in you knows that. For
example: I kept trying to push myself to make a phone call, but when I
sat down to do Focusing with the "block" I realized that I didn't have
the information I needed for the call to go well. Once I got the
information, there was no block.