August 18 2009 – Tip #197

When
I wrote in the last issue of the Tips that the purpose of Focusing is
"to enable carrying forward of what is implied," I knew I was raising a
key question.

What IS carrying forward of what is implied?

Gendlin made up this phrase "carrying forward" to refer to something very specific in his view of how the world works. Carrying forward is when what happens is just exactly what was needed.

Exciting, eh? All of your dreams come true?

Well… It's not all
of your dreams. Carrying forward could be any fulfillment or
satisfaction of what was needed–and most often it's a rather small
one. (Big changes are made up of a lot of small shifts…)

So
when you're Focusing… or just contemplating… and something comes, a
thought, a feeling… and it brings a sigh, one of those releasing
sighs… and you can feel in your body that something shifted… that's
carrying forward.

Something has been fulfilled, met, completed.
You probably don't even know what! But your body knew. And now YOU know
because you were paying attention, you can feel the relief, the sigh,
the letting go. It becomes familiar. It becomes your familiar
body-signal that there has been some carrying forward for you.

The
other day I was in the midst of being irritated with a friend. My
stomach was clenched up tight, and I was trying to make her see my
side. In the meantime, she kept trying to get me to see her side. We
were getting nowhere.

Then something wonderful happened. She stopped for a moment, looked at me, and said, "I know you were just trying to help."

And
my stomach let go! A big breath came. She had just said exactly what my
body needed her to say. I didn't even know that was what I wanted to
hear, until my body told me.

After that, I had the space to do the same for her… to try to say exactly what she needed to hear.

Yes,
carrying forward can happen any time… and the great thing about
learning Focusing is that you are learning HOW to tune in to exactly
what needs carrying forward and how to have that happen.