"There is a sense of something trying to invade my space…"
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A reader writes: "There is a particular felt sense that I get which is a
sense of invasion. There is a sense of something trying to invade my
space or doing so. I really think that this particular felt sense (the one
which invades) is not a disassociated part as I have tried focusing
with it as that. I think it's a hangover from a quite traumatic
experience where I felt bullied by someone else and that person was generally
in my personal space. If I try to
focus and pay attention to 'the part that wants to get into my space', I can't
make a connection and I feel that it is my sense of a previous experience so
isn't actually me. I have tried a lot and it doesn't seem to work with all the
ways of paying compassionate attention – it just increases the sense of
invasion, and it's very
uncomfortable for the part of me that feels invaded."
Dear Reader,
I
think you're right on track in that last sentence: there's a part of
you that feels invaded. That's what needs your compassionate company.
As
for the feeling of something invading… well, that brings me to an
aspect of Self-in-Presence that I rarely get to talk about.
You
as Self-in-Presence are not only compassionate toward parts of
yourself. You are also the guardian of the safety of the inner space.
Focusing requires safety, inside and out.
For example, if two
parts start to fight with each other, you (Self-in-Presence) get to
step in between, and say firmly "Speak to me. I'm here to listen, speak to me."
This
firm, strong side of Self-in-Presence still carries qualities of calm
and non-reactivity. There is no anger or harshness here. You are firmly
and calmly guarding and holding safe boundaries.
"This space is mine. Time to go."
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In the case of something invading, you get to say firmly and calmly, "NO, this space is mine.
Time to go." and mean it.
Like if a strange dog walked into your house,
you wouldn't just focus on how bad it felt that it came in without asking. You
would say, "Out, right now, I mean it!"
Then
once your personal space
is guarded and there are no intruders inside, you can do Focusing
again, and
maybe some of that Focusing will connect back to the previous traumatic
experience you mentioned. Your body may be needing to show you how bad
that felt, and needing YOU (as Self-in-Presence) to hold a calm space
of really hearing/seeing that.
Self-in-Presence guards safety. It's very hard to get a felt sense and do Focusing if you don't feel safe.