"I think that when the Focuser is happy, I'll reflect 'You are happy.'"
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Yarden writes: I have a question – about good feelings that one has
during Focusing. I think that when the Focuser is describing a good
feeling, the listener will not reflect: "You notice that something in
you feeling very happy" (for example), but will reflect: "You are
happy" – am I right?
Dear Yarden,
Yes, that's how I would do it.
As
you know, in Inner Relationship Focusing we
find that it can interfere with felt sensing if a person is identified
with emotional experience. A
person who says, "I am angry" may be identified with the angry feeling,
and
because of that it can be hard for them to sense the anger as something
that
can be explored. One way to help this shift is to use language like
"something
in you is angry" or, as Focuser, "something in me…" If that language
doesn't suit you, you could also sense the place in the body where you
feel
the anger, and call it "this" or "here."
But when the emotional experience
is positive, then disidentification is not an issue. There is not a problem
with the Focuser saying, "I am joyful," or "I am delighted." Although these
seem to be parallel situations, they are not. Why? Because it's typically easy for a
person feeling (for example) joyful to find the feeling of joyful in the body.
And there's another reason. We hope that people will identify with
Self-in-Presence. "I am sensing" means "I, Self-in-Presence, am
sensing." Enjoyable states like happiness and calm are qualities that
enhance our sense of Self-in-Presence–so our Focusing is supported if
we identify with them.
So yes: "You are happy." Absolutely.
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Yarden goes on to ask: "And what would you advise me to say next? Would I invite the Focuser
to sense where it is in his/her body, or perhaps give a suggestion that
help the Focuser just to be with the good feeling?"
Enjoyable feelings
like calm, peaceful, relaxed, happy, etc. can be rich places to do
Focusing. We often skip over them, thinking we ought to be looking for
problems. But these enjoyable feelings are well worth staying with,
savoring, receiving.
But first–just as you say, Yarden–they need to be located and felt in the body.
"You might notice where and how you feel that quality of 'happy' in your body right now."
Maybe the person answers: "It like a warm lightness in my heart."
Then,
if you feel the person could use some extra support, you could invite
them to stay with it further. "Maybe you could take time to just have
an enjoy that feeling like a warm lightness in your heart."
It
may open, develop, unfold… there are many possibilities. What's clear
is that the body's gift is right there, already being received.