“I get a body feeling but no (emotion) words…”
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Mary writes: “Ihave tried to do Focusing a couple of times after attending your presentation. I get very definite feelings in my body, but I cannot for the life of me attach any (emotional) words to them. They remain strongish physical sensations. Perhaps I should be saying hello to what I’m feeling in my throat and what I’m feeling in my stomach. Would that move me to the next stage, do you think? It is highly unusual for me not to find words. This body-feeling-without-words is most odd.”
Dear Mary,
Yes, it is odd, isn’t it! Paying attention to a body feeling feeling without easily finding words for it is quite an odd experience. When you say that, I want to say, “Good, you’re on the right track!” Because that’s a felt sense. That odd feeling that no words fit easily.
So invite you to stay there longer, and appreciate that much: oh good, I’ve got something here. And I’m staying with it, with no expectations, no need for it to change… just making a space where it’s OK for it to be here.
The next step, which emerges naturally (don’t hurry, just let it come) is to describe what it feels like, that “something”
that you feel. There’s no need to find emotion words. Best are words that “fit,” that give you an inner “yes.” Nothing mysterious here. Queasy, tight, jumpy, heavy, agitated, sharp… A sound or a gesture might also fit. Since the felt sense is hard to describe, this is an exciting stage. You’re bringing words to it, and sensing if they fit. If they don’t fit, you’ll feel dissatisfied, like “No, that’s not quite it.” That’s a good indicator. It tells you to keep going. Stay with it. Something will fit, but it might not be one word — it might have to be a fresh metaphor or a compound of words
you’ve never put together before, like “jumpy-queasy.”
And then when something fits, there’s a little “Ah-h-h.” You got it. That’s what it feels like.
And then maybe some voice in you says, “Is that it? ‘Jumpy-queasy’? So what? That’s not an answer!” And you gently say hello to that voice, because you know that Focusing is a process of inner contact and listening and it does not go in leaps like the mind, but slowly, baby step by baby step.
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You will get to the emotions and the life meaning. But first you need to be in contact with the felt sense, enough contact that you are really sensing IT, not just your ideas and guesses about it. The process I’ve just described,
sensing and finding fresh words for exactly how IT feels in your body, will bring you into the contact that’s needed for the next stages.
After you get that little “Ah-h-h” when something really fits, then you settle down just to be with it (the felt sense), to keep it company. Any prodding or prying will just slow things down. Imagine just sitting with a friend.
Again, the next step emerges naturally… your interested curiosity in what IT feels from ITS point of view. This is
where you will start to sense ITS emotion. It’s an excited jumpy-queasy or it’s a scared jumpy-queasy or an anxious jumpy-queasy. And again, you check with it until you get that feeling of “Ah-h-h, that fits.”
Now you’re in even deeper empathic contact with the felt sense, and now it usually starts to reveal what it’s all about. You remain the Listener, holding an empathic quality of contact throughout. Now something really new can happen, something that wasn’t possible through analyzing, thinking, worrying, getting caught up in emotions. You’ve gotten under all that, to the source of change.
Happy Focusing!
