“What do you do if you’re convinced you can’t change?”
Chris writes:
What do you do, if you don’t believe yourself that it is just ‘something in you’ that is feeling something?
At the moment I feel quite desperate, because for a long time I haven’t been feeling very successful in my business (I’m self-employed). Although I have days where I feel optimistic and trustful that things will change, I feel more and more worried that whatever I do, I will never be really successful. That makes me so sad and also worried about the future. (I don’t mean ambitiously successful, just be able to do the things I love and find enough people who appreciate that.)
So if I say to myself, ‘Something in me is worried that I will never have success,’ it doesn’t help me so much because to me, it definitely feels like all of me is worried — and even convinced that things won’t change. And the last bit is the worst, to be honest.
I would be so happy to change this conviction because in the beginning of my career I was so enthusiastic and felt much more sure that I could reach what my heart was longing for.
Dear Chris,
Thank you for the opportunity to clarify something important! When we use the words of Presence language: “I’m sensing something in me is worried…” we are not saying that the worry is untrue or unjustified.
We are allowing the worried part to form itself as a “something” so we can more easily turn toward it and get to know it better.
When you are in a worried state, all over, it is harder to be a good listener. When you say, “I’m sensing something in me is worried…” and find the worried place inside you — even if it is big — it is easier for you to listen to it, and to sense into it. Maybe there is something that worries it especially. Maybe it is pointing to an area that needs attention. Maybe there is a sense of needing to reach out for business advice. Many possibilities there.
You don’t have to disagree with it in order to be Self-in-Presence with it. You don’t have to know there is nothing to worry about. That would be untrue. You just need to turn toward it and get curious and interested.
Self-in-Presence is a State of Calm Not-Knowing
My first listening teacher, Les Brunswick, told me that the ideal state of a listener is like a calm pool of water. When you are Self-in-Presence, you are that kind of listener to yourself.
You don’t know, one way or another, whether there is something to worry about. You are available to have a look and see what is true. You are available to listen to your inner wisdom. An anxious feeling might be your own body telling you that something needs attention. It’s wise to pay attention and then, if necessary, take action.
There might be something real to the worry. There might not. In Self-in-Presence, we don’t know one way or the other. We are open, available, interested, curious.
And that will also give you room, dear Reader, to sense freshly what your heart is longing for and to make sure that your heart’s desire is included.