"I have huge problems in identifying where I am feeling the feeling"
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Adie writes: "My big difficulty is that I have huge problems in identifying where I am feeling the feeling, as the feeling tends to feel like it is all of me and I can't isolate one part of the body where I think I can feel it.
"An example today was still being on the sickness benefit after two major ops this year, and being turned down for 9 different jobs I have applied for, and just feeling really down about it all.
"I managed to separate me from the feeling and see it as part of me and said hello but I couldn't identify where I feel it. All I really wanted to do was go and retreat back to bed and say goodbye to the world, which I didn't because I am in a way better space than that, but I don't know where I feel the feeling. Any hints on how to begin to feel these sensations or identify them?"
Dear Adie,
Wonderful question. I know there are many others wondering about that. Don't worry! My experience working with a lot of people tells me that you are not very far away from getting a body sense. Here is what I would suggest you do:
Give yourself some quiet time where you won't be interrupted… for at least fifteen minutes. Now take yourself through a Body Awareness Scan. You absolutely cannot get this wrong! It's just noticing what is there.
- Notice how your hands feel, the texture of anything that your fingers are touching.
- Become aware of your feet, what they are touching. If it's hard to feel your feet, wiggle your toes. There they are!
- Be aware of your any parts of your body that are touching what you are sitting on. Sitting gives sensations of touch and support, in buttocks and back, and maybe your arms and upper legs. Just notice.
- Notice if you can be aware of your breathing. Don't try to change it – just find out how it is.
- Now sense in the inner area of your body. Maybe start with your throat. If it's hard to imagine feeling your throat, just remember waking up in the morning after a sore throat the night before. You checked if your throat was still sore… that's right. That's how to sense in your throat.
- And now sensing in your chest area. Sometimes the chest is tight. How is yours right now?
- And the stomach area. Feeling open, relaxed, and fine? Or…?
By now you're probably feeling much more in touch with your body. This is an exercise to repeat as often as you like. Many people do a version of this every time they start a Focusing session.
"How do I feel IN HERE about that whole problem area?"
Once you are in body contact, you can ask for a fresh body sense about your problem area.
With your awareness IN your throat, chest, stomach, remember that whole thing about still being on sickness benefit and being turned down for nine jobs. (That sounds so hard to be going through!)
Invite the body feel of that. You might discover that you had already been feeling it, but you hadn't noticed because it's painful and you had been to trying not to feel it.
Inner Relationship Focusing, with being Self-in-Presence and saying Hello to what you feel, is a safer way to let your feelings come so you can spend time with them.
Once you have some practice being in body awareness, I predict you aren't very far away from allowing those feelings to come, describing them, and being with them compassionately… instead of being taken over by them.
When you realized that only a PART of you and not all of you wanted to say goodbye to the world, you were already being Self-in-Presence! The next step is to be kind and compassionate to that part, like you might be with a sad child. Then it has space to be as it is… and to change in its own time.
