“Should I be identifying with the happy feeling if another part of me is cautious about being too happy?”
Mandeep writes: “In a recent Focusing session, I noticed two parts. One part was joyful, light and dancing around — happy and free. Another part was cautious about being too happy just in case the good feeling doesn’t last or in case it was tempting the fates.
“In Focusing classes, I have learned that it is encouraged to identify with the good feelings — in this case the joyful part. But that Focusing allows us to dis-identify or not merge with the difficult part — in this case the cautious part. I am confused about whether I should be trying to identify more with the happy, joyous part or whether I should notice it as a part and not identify with it.
“I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.”
Dear Mandeep,
The fast way to say what we recommend is “identify with the positive feelings,” but it’s actually more complex than that — as your interesting example shows.
For the purpose of doing Focusing, we recommend that you identify as Self-in-Presence, and experience yourself as being so large and spacious and fearless and compassionate that you can be with anything that arises in you.
Being Self-in-Presence, we primarily feel and express qualities like: aliveness, curiosity, calm, warmth, spaciousness. And in fact any ‘positive’ feeling can be a resource to experience Self-in-Presence even more fully. So you’re not exactly identifying with the positive feeling — rather, you are identifying with Self-in-Presence, and the positive feeling can help you do that.
However, some positive feelings are actually parts. (True!) How can we tell the difference? IF the positive experience is totally willing to turn toward anything that is not feeling so positive, and welcome it, and be with it… then that is indeed you as Self-in-Presence.
But if the happy, free, dancing feeling says, “I don’t want to stop dancing!”… then it is indeed a part.
Self-in-Presence can listen compassionately to any partial self
Imagine feeling so calmly strong and fearlessly spacious that you can turn toward anything inside you and welcome it to be there and let you know more about itself. If that’s what your positive feeling is like, then do identify with it… because it is you as Self-in-Presence.
But if your ‘positive’ feeling is in a struggle with another part of you that is afraid of what will happen if you get too happy, then it is a part like any other… and all parts can be welcomed, turned toward, and listened to, because all have something to contribute.
Even the part that is worried that feeling good is “tempting the fates” has something to tell you about what it is afraid will happen… and you can say to it warmly, “No wonder you don’t want me to feel joyful and happy, if that’s what you’re afraid will happen!”
