“How does one focus with a terminal illness?”
Sam writes:
“How does one focus with a terminal illness like ALS or cancer? I was diagnosed with ALS about a month ago. I am having trouble focusing with the fear/terror.”
Dear Sam,
I am so sorry to hear that that is the challenge you are being faced with.
A lot of what happens, we don’t choose. We don’t even choose the feelings we have about what happens. So under the recovery motto of “the courage to change what we can,” what do we choose?
I would say that we choose what to be identified with.
A big SOMETHING IN YOU is feeling terrified…and IT needs YOUR company. You don’t have to identify with it. In fact, even IT doesn’t want you to identify with it. The fear may be so big that it feels like it is sucking you in, but it doesn’t really want to…any more than a drowning swimmer wants to choke the rescuer who has come to save her.
I believe the best thing you can do for yourself is to cultivate Self-in-Presence. This is not to be unafraid, or to get rid of fear, but in order that the part that is afraid will have company…compassionate, empathic company. Like when you sit with a friend and say, “I am here.”
What’s scary about death?
You might think, “Of course I am scared. Anyone would be.” And there is a level of truth in this. Yet even death and dying are not obvious — in that they bring up intricate and unique feelings in each of us.
As an experiment, I once asked a group of people to sense into the question: “What is especially scary about dying — for me?”
Every answer was different. Some said it was facing the unknown. Others spoke of leaving loved ones. Others touched into the fear of leaving life’s work unfinished, sometimes before even knowing what it was. There were as many answers as there were individuals.
This shows us that it is possible to do Focusing with the question, “What is it about dying that scares me or something in me?” and discover something important and powerful. It could be a knowing of what we still need and want to do while we are alive. And this is likely to come with a bodily feeling of relief. Clearly, this is well worth doing.
