“I don’t yet understand which part of me is able to make decisions and take action…”

Jenny writes:

“Several important confusions have cleared for me as I’ve been learning and practicing Focusing these last two months. Previously, my partial selves had conversations with each other, and now they have conversations with me as Self-in-Presence instead. This is allowing them to feel appreciated and become more relaxed and less troublesome in my life. My ability to be Self-in-Presence seems to be developing and becoming clearer and stronger as I recognize doubts and insecurities as partial selves when they arise. All of this is very helpful.

“I’m writing because I don’t yet understand which part of me is able to make decisions and take action. Self-in-Presence has no agenda, but is that the same as having no volition? What part of myself is able to set intentions and fulfill them?”

Dear Jenny,

I love questions about action! Action is such an interesting area! I won’t say that I know all about it yet, but I can say what I have learned, and how that fits with the theory that Barbara McGavin and I are developing.

(1) Action can come from a partial-self. This is clear. When you hit SEND on that impulsive, reactive email that a minute later you SO regret sending… well, that was a part of you that sent that email. When you eat the whole carton of ice cream standing at the refrigerator door, all the time telling yourself what a pig you are… that is a partial-self doing that action (and another partial-self trying helplessly to stop it).

Another kind of action from a partial-self is when I feel I have to force myself to do something – and I do – but there is an inner struggle and a sense of something in me being repressed, held down, beaten up, and yearning to get free.

(2) Action can also come from Self. YOU can take action. Taking action as whole Self has a characteristic feel to it, like effortless flow. There is a sense of empowerment, of resourcefulness, having help and not having to go it alone. This may be more or less intense depending on conditions. For example, when I am tired, I can still act from Self, but at the same time I am acknowledging the tired feeling. (Remember that being Self-in-Presence is not the absence of difficult feelings, it is saying Hello to difficult feelings so they are here but they are not who I am.)

The difference between having no agenda and having no volition

Self-in-Presence has no agenda in Focusing… other than the agenda to hold an open space of respectful listening so that all parts can be heard. Sometimes that includes action. If our parts are fighting with each other, beating each other up, we can calmly step in between them, and say something like, “I am here now. Please talk to me.” Boundary-setting and creating safety are some of the effects of Self-in-Presence taking action within.

In the world, we act – ideally – as whole Self-in-Presence. The alternative would be to act as a partial-self, and that is not good. Partial-selves have only partial information, so they cannot act wisely taking the whole into account.

Wise, centered, flowing action that springs from the whole Self… which can include refraining from overt action… that’s what we hope for.