Do you get energized about doing something for yourself and then lose interest? Over and over?
Greg writes:
My question has to do with a frequent experience I have had in my life when doing pleasurable activities in which I eventually “burn out” or lose interest. It could be something like jogging, reading a book of any length, practicing the guitar and learning music, or attempting to maintain a healthy diet.
Often when I engage in these activities, I am very dedicated for a while, feeling energized and accomplished, and then I sort of burn-out, lose interest, and then stop the activity altogether.
I usually return to the activity after a period of time, and feel like I’m starting from scratch. But this “starting, stopping, starting again” cycle is frustrating to me and discouraging, and I often don’t know quite what to do when I notice the first signs that I’m not quite as gung-ho about an activity as I initially was. I’m wondering what your thoughts are about such a “cycle,” and how I may approach these activities with more of a Focusing attitude.
Dear Greg:
So interesting!
I hope you are interested and curious about what is happening here, because interested curiosity will be your most facilitative attitude as you explore the moment in the cycle when something changes.
At first it is fine, you do the activity, you feel energized and accomplished. And then… something happens.
That is the place to bring your interested curiosity, and do some Focusing right there.
You don’t have to catch the precise moment. You can still do Focusing on this later, after your interest has flagged. Even now, you could look into any of these – the jogging, the guitar, the healthy diet – with Focusing.
Here is what we know so far: something is you is losing interest in doing that. The way forward is to invite that part of you into awareness and connect with it, letting it know you’d like to get to know it better. Invite it, let it come as a body sense, describe it, spend time with it.
People often do not realize that they can get to know parts like this. We think we have to guess, “Maybe it’s this, maybe it’s that.” But actually, the part itself can tell you.
I could also guess. Maybe there is something hard about the switchover from early enthusiasm to the kind of steadiness it takes to sustain intention. Maybe an inner critic grabs the job of making you stay with it, and then an inner rebel hates being pushed like that. That’s what it might be for me!
But we won’t know what it really is until you turn toward and invite – with kindness and compassion – the one in you that knows because it is the one that does it.
Kitty and Grace, I am touched by your writing. You express so vividly what this all feels like. Thank you for your courage in sharing here. I want to say that I am not a therapist. I know that most therapists do good work… but that road can be expensive and not for everyone. That’s why I devote my life to giving people simple, free processes that can change these repetitive patterns of losing interest, feeling drained, feeling anxious, and so on. One of my favorite free courses is found here: https://focusingresources.com/gbe-signup-page/
Yes, you get on my mailing list but you can always unsubscribe! I’m not in the business of annoying people with emails. I just want to help eradicate unnecessary suffering. Do try it and let me know how it goes.
Hello Ann, thank you for the free Ecourse. I just want to say that I wish many therapists and psychologists were like you. Open and enthusiastic and treating each person differently. Although I haven’t really met or booked an appointment or session with a psychologist or therapist before, so I can’t really say what they’re like. Although I do wish some could be enthusiastic and treat each person differently rather than just follow from the books or what the colleges taught them about treating each patient with whatever disorder they have the same. And perhaps there are therapists and psychologists out there that are enthusiastic and open but I just haven’t found any yet. Perhaps I am just being picky. However, is it not important to find a psychologist or therapist you feel comfortable with?
I’m not usually the type of person that seeks advice off of the internet, and with people I have never met before. This is actually my first time asking a person for advice off of the internet, but I am doing this because I feel as if I am having trouble disclosing my personal feelings to anyone including my parents, relatives, friends, or just anyone in my life. It is such a frustrating and energy draining feeling and just makes you feel like you want to give up. Like a balloon so stretched from holding so much air, it is ready to burst. So I just got tired of feeling this way and decided that perhaps getting a fresh opinion from someone I do not know may perhaps do me some good.
Every time I try to distract myself I feel as if my feelings and thoughts linger in the background as if trying to tell me that I need to fix something inside of me. But I don’t know what and this constant feeling of undecisiveness and uncertainty and confusion just really starts to destroy my being able to enjoy little things in life and concentrate on daily tasks and goals (including hanging out with friends, exercising, practicing on your hobbies, etc). I just feel like I’ve grown into this person that feels this way and has this mindset. And I cannot go back to the person that I was before. (Which I obviously can’t but feel desperate too sometimes.) I am just having such a hard time coping with this. It’s like my brain says I must think about it when I’m trying not to but then when I try to focus on what I’m feeling or give it attention it thinks I am focusing too much on it and need to stop thinking about it.
Some people say that this is common in teens. This feeling of anxiety…but also the deeper feeling of wanting to find identity.
But why is it hardly addressed? Why do more and more teens feel this way each generation? Is it due to our increasingly distracted and secular society? Is it due to less family bonding and and having a close circle of people we can trust or confide in? Is it due to less interaction with nature? I feel as if every teen needs a guide or mentor or just someone they can trust when dealing with this giant roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, new views of the world and how it works, of becoming independent, of just changing and growing into an adult. In fact, I feel it is essential to have a guide or mentor to lead you in the right direction toward a more balanced life. It is important because these thoughts and feelings can get very out of control if you don’t have anyone to confide in. And you start to feel more and more alone and isolated each day. This is how I have felt for quite some time. I feel like I didn’t know how to deal with it and just didn’t know what to do.
Why can’t schools train kids to influence the world instead of training them to be influenced by the world. Why can’t they teach us to develop and master ourselves, express ourselves, and to be truly equipped for what life has to offer. This dosen’t just mean a job or career offering. I mean the adversities that may come in our way throughout that journey of getting that career or going to that university, or getting whatever it is you want in life. We all know that adversities can be inevitable, and so can our questions and thoughts and feelings. So how can we learn to handle theses adversities and address these questions and feelings.
Man cannot live on bread alone. Man cannot live on just the contentment of having a career or job or whatever it is they do. We are philosophical beings by nature. We are meant and designed to ask questions and discover and inquire and explore. We have the longing to have values that set us to our rights, that help us define who we are. And a lot of these longings of having values or certainty in yourself start or continue in adolescence. It is such a special time of your life. It’s not just about getting your high school diploma or graduating top of your class or getting that internship overseas. Although all of that’s great, adolescence is that significant time of when you ask philosophical questions, and long for an answer. It is the time when you can develop yourself and learn to express yourself through whatever it is you are good at. To learn to find what you are good at. To learn to discover who you are. To begin to change into the adult God put you on this earth to be. It is such a precious time and feel like it should not be taken for granted.
And less and less people are having the accessibility to a good mentor a living one. One that can be close. One that can guide them through this beautiful but sometimes frustratingly complex process of change.
Hears to the development of more schools of thought as I like to call them. Schools that not only develop the mind but develop the person as a whole. And I’m sure we all know from experience…that a person has more than just a mind.
Hello, recently I have been feeling immensely lost, and it is mostly because Im in college and I am not yet certain what I want to pursue. Recently I decided to take Human Anatomy as a summer class, and I was full on rocking the first two days, then today I felt drained and wanted to drop the class. I am just done for now and am completely lost. I don’t know what I want to pursue and I feel so worthless because its the one thing my parents expect from me. Why do I feel this way? Why am I so easily influenced by with what others do or say…
This was very helpful. I’m grateful that you mentioned the part about the inner critic and the “inner rebel”. I truly can relate! It was a good starting point for me to think about what it is that stops me from losing interest in things over time. The experience Greg wrote is very similar to mine. Thank you for the information and the positivity!
Hi Blanka – I’m so glad this was helpful for you! The “inner critic” and the “inner rebel” have been such important concepts for me. Thanks for writing.
I keep losing interest in everything…i used to be a very social person in last two years i changed alot,I don’t interact with people much,don’t like going out,don’t like playing games,don’t read books,these were a few things a liked alot before but now i only spend literly all day in my room.i didn’t even go to my school prom which was three days ago…
Ann, thanks for writing. I wonder if something new is calling for your attention, perhaps something new inside of yourself that is slowly coming out of a bud like a flower in the spring. It is whispering to you… and perhaps you have to be very quiet to listen. Please write again. I want to help.
Ann
Ann, what you are describing: losing interest in *everything*, switch to sudden solitude, total lack of motivation, sounds very much like apathy or depression. That is serious! It looks to me like a deeper issue than just one aspect of your life, like being unable to maintain a hobby. I honestly urge you to talk with a health care professional, find a good psychologist. Depression does not always feel like “sadness” or “grief”. It can also feel like apathy! Which looks just like what you described. A psychologist might explain what’s going on to you and have some tools to help you get back on your feet. Best of luck to you girl. <3 Please publish this, Mrs Ann, I'm concerned for Ann's health.
Thank you Lydia. I think you gave a better answer to Ann than I did. I agree with everything you say.
Agree
Hi Jason, We are a training center for a method called “Focusing”. Everyone who writes a question to me understands that my answer is going to be about how “Focusing” can help with their problem. Since I am not a neurochemist, no one expects me to give an answer about brain chemistry. Interestingly, the research into Focusing has shown that getting to know parts of ourselves better IS a solution. It takes us away from repetitive patterns and into new life possibilities. I hope you will give it a try. From the tone of your message it sounds like you are suffering a lot. I’m so sorry. I hope things get better for you and you find what you are looking for.
Hmm, i could say that almost hit the target when you say that we need to know ourselves more better and the part which rejects these new things in life, we need to invite it and ask it what it really wants. I think that helps.
Good work Ann.
Thanks, Mustafa!
I really wish this was more helpful. I am sorry….but your answer to this problem just seems like a made up bunch of fluff to seem like you are solving an issue without actually saying anything of value. I think there is definitely something chemical in the brain driving these feelings, as I suffer them myself. Simply getting to know that part of myself better, is hardly a solution. If you had even the faintest clue the issue we describe, you would have never typed out such a thoughtless solution to this problem.
I can relate to the similar cycle Jason. Started 3 startup concepts with great energy and then lost interest in all of them only to see the interest coming back after almost 6 months! Wanted to teach myself programming then quit in the middle. Now forcing myself back there again. Its truly frustrating. So much energy all going to waste, Finally deciding to teach my brain to starve of all short term pleasures. Lets see if this will work. Good luck
Researched the same question and read through the response to find a solution, and then the responder ended her narrative…just like that!