Focusing Tip #629 – “Just the idea of coming to a decision scares me.”

When even thinking about making that big decision makes your heart beat anxiously, what do you do? Read on…

Sarah writes:

One of your webinars was about taking decisions. As the exercise was going on, my heart started to beat thumpingly. What to do when you feel the problem is “the idea of coming to a decision”?

Dear Sarah:

When there is some decision that is hard to make, it is actually quite common that the big issue is the idea of making any decision. We distract ourselves, we avoid dealing with that decision… usually a big one like whether to stay or go in a job or a relationship… because the implications of either choice are scary.

So that is your starting place: “I am sensing something in me doesn’t want to deal with this decision.” You’d sit down, invite the heart-thumping part of you (though it might not feel that way this time), and get to know how it feels from its point of view.

When you sense what that part of you is scared about, don’t try to fix it… just let it know you hear it. And listen more… because there is a next step that will come when you listen. You might even find out more about the decision, when you find out more about the part of you that doesn’t want to make it.

“If a decision is hard to make, it’s because neither choice is right,” said Gene Gendlin about decisions.

I find that a charming statement, and also a very hopeful one… because we can start from the assumption that neither choice is right — and explore what’s not right about each side.

There’s not only something not right about each side, there’s also something that IS right! And sometimes a new option emerges that wasn’t even on the table before…