Focusing Tip #635 – “This inner message is not my own…”

What do we do with those ‘helpful’ messages from other people that show up in our thoughts? Read on…

Michelle writes:

Often when I focus, there will be different parts of me that I will say hello to and listen to. But every once in awhile I’m aware of a voice with a particular message that seems as though it is “associated” with me but not a “part” of me. It seems as though it is outside of my body. This far, when I’ve noticed this, this voice is often speaking words or some message that I remember from my childhood (like from a parent or teacher), but the message never “rings true”.

Dear Michelle:

I’m not surprised that the message of that voice doesn’t ring true! My sense is that you’re absolutely right, it’s something you took in from outside when you were younger.

At the same time, I do think there is a part of you involved… the part of you that took in that message and is now saying it back to you in order to make something happen, or keep something from happening, that it is concerned about.

This type of part is usually outside the physical body, but you can still have a dialogue with it and sense how it feels.

The shortcut to sensing how it feels is this: It is always worried about something.

For example, you might hear: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” (That was a favorite of my mom’s!)

If it helps, don’t sweat! We can use all the help we can get.

But if it doesn’t ring true… if you feel like this part of you is recommending a strategy that doesn’t work any more… then you can turn toward the one in you that is saying it, and say, “Hello! Might you be worried about something?”

In my example, the part was worried that the other person would get mad at me if I set clear boundaries (which it called “not being nice”). I acknowledged what it was worried about… I felt a sigh of relief… and I could go on to say what I needed to say to the other person with love in my heart.