Do you struggle with an inner critic that makes you feel like you are taken hostage? Read on…
Margarita writes:
I am struggle very much with inner critics and watchdog-like parts that are often running the show behind the scenes. I feel like I’m taken hostage sometimes.
When it’s really bad I resort to binging on sweets which in turn makes me hate myself more.
I would love to learn to work with these parts better – do you have courses that teach working with addictions and with these difficult parts?
Dear Margarita:
Yes I do have courses on those important topics, and thanks for asking! I’ll tell you about that at the end of this post.
But also let me give you some tips that may help right now. Because that sounds like a hard thing to be going through!
I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about Self-in-Presence, which is the ability to be in relationship with our feeling states rather than being our feeling states.
Being Self-in-Presence means that you are not your inner critic and you are not the one inside you who feels taken hostage and feels so bad she resorts to binging on sweets.
That might be the one who needs your compassionate attention first.
That would sound like this:
“I am sensing something in me that is feeling really bad from getting undermined by that inner critic.
“I am pausing to sense where I am feeling her in my body right now… maybe this queasy feeling in my stomach…
“I am saying a gentle Hello to this part of me that is feeling so bad that she wants to eat sweets. I am saying: ‘Yes, I really get how bad you feel.’
“I am sensing what kind of contact she would like from me right now.”
Saying these things out loud… and really feeling each step as you do it… can help you feel that you are not the one who is being criticized and judged and taken hostage. And that one who is being criticized and judged can start to feel safer and calmer because you are there with her.
Dealing with the inner critic comes later… when your Self-in-Presence feels stronger. And it will get stronger from doing this exercise!
