How do you get a felt sense of something you wish you could feel? Read on…
Clara writes:
I often feel, with my mother, that there is some emotional connection that I wish were there, but it’s not. The connection I am longing for is not available. I’m not sure how to do Focusing with this. How do I get a felt sense of something I wish I could feel?
Dear Clara:
Ah, but in fact there is something you are feeling.
You are feeling a longing for connection.
One great place to start, if you want to do Focusing with this issue about your mother (and it’s great that you want to) is with the feeling of the longing. We could also call it the “feeling of something missing here.”
Take some time, settle your awareness into your body, and invite the feeling of the “longing for connection with my mother.”
Longing for a missing emotional connection can be a very poignant feeling. A part of you might even find this feeling uncomfortable or painful.
Yes, longing can be uncomfortable or painful. So much so, that some people will do anything to avoid feeling it!
But actually, if you can simply stay with the feeling of the longing… describing what it feels like… and saying to it, “Hello, I know you’re there”… then there is the potential for something new to happen.
Your inner relationship with “something in you that has the longing” can deepen. That part of you can discover that it is not alone–you are with it now. There can be a feeling of inner connection and even a kind of homecoming inside.
When we can be gentle with our own feelings, even the painful ones, we are becoming more whole. And that is beautiful.
Additional resources
Focusing Tip #640 – What good is it to stay with a feeling of longing? (Opens in a new browser tab)
Focusing Tip #376 – The Shame of Longing (Opens in a new browser tab)
