Do you wish you were better at being on time? Read on…
Carol writes:
Last week you gave a tip to someone whose partner is always late. What if you are the person who is always late? Because I am that person. Even though Focusing is very valuable and helpful, I’m late for my Focusing appointments.
I tend to be late to everything! Do you have a Tip for that?
Dear Carol:
I find it so interesting when there is some behavior we are helpless to shift even if we really want to, whether it’s biting one’s nails, or staying up at night past the point of exhaustion, or eating candy too often, or something like being late for everything.
Here’s what I’d recommend.
One. Call it “something in me.” Like this: “something in me is always late.”
Two. But wait… the word “always” is judgmental. So now find a way to say it that this part itself feels is true. Maybe “something in me feels the need to be late,” or “something in me has a hard time being on time.” Find words that fit from its point of view.
Three. Make a gentle relationship with that part. Maybe another part of you is mad at it, or feels ashamed of it. You can say Hello to that other part of you if you need to. But this one… the one that has a hard time being on time… needs your non-judgmental presence. Let it know you are curious and you’d like to get to know it better.
Four. Listen. From its point of view, there is something about being on time that is hard. I have no idea what that would be. Neither do you! That’s why you need to be curious and open. It could be so many things. Listen and sense.
Five. When it does let you know something about what’s hard for it about being on time, just listen. Let it know you hear it, and you’re open to hearing more. Resist the temptation of letting a part of you jump in to “fix it.” This probably has to do with much more than being late!
Another way to approach this is to picture being on time… and then notice if something in you pulls back or resists or says “No!” That could be another starting place.
Life offers us so much richness all the time! So much to explore, and learn. So many ways to grow!
