Focusing Tip #813 – How do I stop doing my unhealthy habit?
If you wish you didn’t indulge so much, what can you do when it happens? Read on…
A Reader writes:
Last week you responded to a person who asked about self-sabotage, and you talked about somebody who got hijacked into eating late at night. That really sounds like me. But I can’t say “I’m sensing something in me that wants to eat.” I’m already eating by that time.
What can I do in the middle of getting hijacked?
know. It can be really hard to pause and become more aware when you’re in the middle of a hijack.
That’s because the part of you that is hijacking you doesn’t really want you to be aware. And it definitely doesn’t want to stop!
What has worked best for me and other people I know is to do some Focusing with the hijacking part later, when everything has calmed down. Maybe the next day, or the following week.
I remember doing Focusing with the part of me that wanted to get drunk. I had gotten into a pattern of getting drunk about four nights a week. Nobody knew; it was too shameful to tell anyone about.
I was able to stop temporarily but I was terribly afraid I would start again. And I might have, if it weren’t for the Focusing I did with the help of Barbara McGavin.
Sitting down calmly and quietly, I invited “the part that wanted to drink.” And after a while I could feel it. It was something I could say Hello to. I could listen to what it longed for, and what it was afraid of.
Of course, I needed to also listen to the other part of me, the part that was ashamed of drinking and worried I would start again. So I did that too.
For true change to happen, I needed to be Self-in-Presence, not merged with any part of me, able to turn toward anything inside me with compassion.
And the stronger my Self-in-Presence grew, the more able I was to make wise choices and bear my painful feelings instead of needing to escape them.