Most people treat their emotions as objects to be manipulated.
You know, “I’m angry. I need to get rid of my anger. I need to change my anxiety. I need to figure out why it’s here and then put something else in its place.” It’s like furniture to move around. But emotions are part of life and they change all the time on their own.
In fact, change is what’s natural for your emotions. The odd thing is when emotions stay stuck. So what’s happening there?
I think one reason emotions stay stuck has to do with how they’re treated. If you treat your feelings as if they are unchangeable objects, then they won’t change.
We tend to assume we know all about our feelings. It would be like sitting down with a friend and saying, “How are you? Wait. Don’t tell me. I already know.” How well does that relationship work? Not very. Yet, that’s what we do with our feelings much of the time.
And that’s where Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) comes in. IRF is all about how you relate to what you feel. How you welcome it. How you become curious about your own emotions without ever trying to change what you feel.
IRF helps you know and trust that your emotions will change on their own when you bring compassionate, accepting attention to them.
We start with six little words, “I’m sensing something in me feels…”
Why those specific words? Well, they create a little space. Let me give you an example:
Try saying out loud, “I’m angry.”
And then saying, “Something in me is angry.”
Now try, “I’m sensing something in me feels angry.”
Can you feel the difference between each of those sentences?
As soon as you say, “I’m sensing something in me feels…” you are no longer the emotion. You are bigger, you are noticing the feeling. And that’s the shift in perspective that makes all the difference.
When you are not the emotion, you’re able to create a relationship with what you feel. You can be curious about the feeling.
Of course, there are many more steps to practice this process. Go further with my free e-course Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You and discover a kinder, more compassionate way to relate to yourself.
