Can you do Focusing safely with your darkest inner places? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I have a question about the Shadow. Is it a part?
I have had to stop Focusing because I get lost and merged with this part without realizing it. Something in me “likes” or is drawn to being in that negative pain and thinks it is helping and “fixing” things by spending time in that dark stuff.
I find I can’t spend time with it or it takes over. Focusing has helped me so much but now seems like I don’t have enough perspective to do it safely.
Dear Reader:
I’m not sure about the definition of “the Shadow,” but I do recognize what you are talking about: an inner place of darkness and pain.
Yes, it’s a part. It’s something in you that feels and lives in that darkness and pain. And it is possible to spend time with it in Focusing from a place of calm and compassion — from Self-in-Presence — without getting caught in it. But that takes going slowly and it needs for you to consciously cultivate your Self-in-Presence.
What can make that hard, though, is the other part you’ve identified. (And good for you for noticing this other part!)
If there is a part of you that likes or is drawn to that “negative pain,” that can make it a lot more challenging to be Self-in-Presence with it. Self-in-Presence has no agenda. Not for, not against. Just being present and sensing how it is.
So I’d suggest that in your next Focusing session you turn to that part, the one that likes the dark place. There’s something it is trying to help you with, by going toward the dark place, and you can invite it to let you know more about that.
Whatever it shows you or tells you, just listen. Let it know you hear it, without agreeing or disagreeing. I predict that will make your whole Focusing process feel safer to you… and help you become the kind of spacious listener that all your parts need.
And by the way, that dark place? It’s probably something very young inside you, holding some early pain… and would love your gentle company without trying to get it to change.
(One of our great on-demand courses is on cultivating Self-in-Presence… find out more about that here)
