Is acceptance really enough to change my feelings? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I am stuck, stalled out. Either I feel nothing, or I feel so many things that are scary or overwhelming. I’ve tried so many times to get past this. Do you really offer something new?
Dear Reader:
I don’t know if we offer something new! Inner Relationship Focusing started with research into how people naturally change. The essence of it is thousands of years old.
But it does seem that in today’s world, with so much emphasis on fixing, solving, making things happen, it’s rare to have a method that is based on simple acceptance and presence.
If it sounds naive of me to tell you to accept your stuck and painful feelings, I do understand! But what we mean by “acceptance” is a little different from what you might think.
With a few simple shifts in language and perspective, you can come from a place of witnessing instead of a place of suffering. We call this “Self-in-Presence.”
Let’s say you are feeling overwhelmed. At the same time, you are scared of the overwhelming feelings, discouraged because you are overwhelmed again, desperate to escape it all.
Now imagine saying, “I am sensing something in me feeling overwhelmed… and I am saying a gentle Hello to that.” What happens?
You can also go on to say, “I am sensing something in me feels…” about each of the other feelings: scared, discouraged, desperate.
When you can be simply present in this way with all of your feelings, something really new can happen. The feelings take their own steps forward. Those steps might include relief, understanding, new possibilities.
And that’s what we mean by acceptance!
