"I'm dipping into my retirement savings and my passion for my work is waning."
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John writes: "I have a job in which I used to do quite well. Now, however, it is not going very well, especially financially. I'm on straight commission, I'm scheduled to make $5,000 this year. As small as this amount is, it takes care of my health insurance and car. (I have an additional revenue stream that will end in a couple of years but I am still having to make big dips into my retirement savings). My passion for this work is waning yet I am a big supporter of this service I/we are providing our customers.
"I have many ideas about other possibilities; when I run these by other people, I get very positive feedback. Yet, I never feel the passion for any of them to the point that I'm willing quit my job/put in large amounts of money to get them off the ground. I've tried focusing on this, inviting any/all parts of myself to make themselves known….yet nothing comes. I've been more directive, focusing on my indeciveness, possible fear/shame/etc. Again, nothing. Your thoughts?"
Dear John,
When you say "nothing comes" I'm assuming you mean that you didn't get a sense of a new, helpful, productive answer. Because if you mean you didn't feel anything at all, that would be a different question! But I'm assuming that you are doing Focusing, getting felt senses, spending time with them…but not seeing changes in your life.
What I hear in your question is something about passion. You say that your passion for your current work is waning, and you don't feel enough passion for any of the new projects to take a risk for them.
So what WOULD be a passion for you? Maybe Focusing can help with that.
Here's what I might suggest as an approach. Is there one of the possible new ventures that feels closest to right? If so, start with that one. (If not, start with any of them.)
Sit down to do Focusing in the usual way… getting quiet, bringing awareness into your body, sensing into the inner area of your body. Then bring up the image or the question of that new venture. "Maybe I could do that." We know it doesn't feel totally right, or you would be feeling passion for it. So once you get a felt sense of it, try this: "Something about this feels partly right." And wait.
You're sensing for WHAT about that new direction attracts you. It may come first as a wordless feeling that is hard to describe. You have an inner knowing that takes time to emerge. Have patience. Within about five or ten minutes you will probably have a sense of what part of it is. We don't expect a whole, complete, polished answer. It will be more like, "At least I would get to be outdoors," or "Something about learning something new every day."
When you find the qualities of what you want, you're almost there ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can repeat this process with each of your possible new ventures, and even with your current job. "Something about this feels right."
The result will be a sense of embodied knowing of what you are drawn doing to at this stage of your life. It's important not to judge. You don't know yet where this will lead you. Even if you got "I want to do nothing," you would stay with it, to sense what about doing nothing feels right.
Of course if you get reactions like, "This is no use," or "Even if other people can get they work that they want, it won't work for me," then you would turn and spend some time with those parts of you. Those sound like worried parts, and you could listen to what they are worried about.
I predict you'll come to a body sense of what you could get excited about, and even if you don't know what in the "outer" world would look like that, don't worry. You'll be ready to spot it when it comes along.
