Did you ever have a sense of relief from a Focusing session, only to have the problem come back again later? That’s what happened to SB. Read on for what I said to her about it…
When the sense of relief doesn’t last
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SB writes: “Several times I have had a deep Focusing session that is connected to some past trauma. At the end of the session I feel very good, and the issue seems to be resolved. I feel a sense of relief at the time–but in the next few days I become very anxious and depressed and really upset. I’m not sure what is happening and I thought you may be able to shed some light on things or tell me how to cope with those feelings which can be quite overwhelming.”
Dear SB,
Let me share with you some ways to help your process sustain over time. But first let me talk about what might be happening when you become anxious, depressed, and upset after a Focusing session that brings relief.
My guess is that the Safety Guardians got scared.
“Safety Guardians” is my name for the parts of us that are on guard to make sure we are safe. They remember the trauma and they never want it to happen again. They are drawing on some guesses that parts of us have made about why the hurt happened. Like: “It happened because you were too trusting.” or “It happened because you weren’t good.” Or maybe even: “It happened because you let your guard down and we’re never going to do that again.”
And this is one reason why a session of release and relief can be followed by a heightening of anxiety and depression. The very experience of relief may have frightened a part of you that believes you had better stay tense than feel relief. If that makes sense, you’ve taken the first step of compassion toward these hard-working Safety Guardians.
The next step is to realize that Self-in-Presence is not something to be only in Focusing sessions. Especially when we’re working with old trauma, we need to do our best to be Self-in-Presence in between our Focusing sessions as well– so that any time parts of us get scared, we can put a gentle hand on the place where those feelings are coming up, and say “Yes, I do sense how scared you are.”
It takes a full-time commitment to Self-in-Presence to get through these painful old feelings. (Barbara McGavin has a great article on this in the latest Focusing Connection newsletter, called “The Perils of Being Hijacked by a Partial-Self (and What to Do If You Are).”
Making a 24/7 Commitment to Self-in-Presence
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Making a 24/7 commitment to being Self-in-Presence might seem like a daunting task.
But the truth is, Self-in-Presence is your natural state of being. When you are that calm, compassionate, generous, curious Self, all your parts rejoice. They don’t have to hold up their burdens any more. They don’t have to struggle or hide. They can start to relax.
It’s not instant. It’s a process. It does take time.
So perhaps you could ask, at the end of your Focusing session: “What kind of company would this like from me, even after the session is over?” That way, the quality of gentle attention from your Focusing session can bridge over into the rest of your life. And the next time you have a chance to do Focusing, choose to invite that same place and find out how it’s doing. This is a long-term project–but it’s hopeful and possible, I assure you.
