Focusing Tip #829 – When you regret how you couldn’t show up in the past
-Focusing Tip #829 – When you regret how you couldn’t show up in the past Are you filled with regret about how you behaved in the past? Read on… Matthias writes: When I make a step forward in my healing journey and have more clarity, I also get so much regret and guilt and wanting to change the past. I want to heal things that broke in relationships where I couldn’t show up how I knew would be best but was so triggered and…
Focusing Tip #828 – Working with repressed trauma with no memories
-Focusing Tip #828 – Working with repressed trauma with no memories Can you work with repressed trauma if you have no memory of what happened? Read on… Andrew writes: I have become aware of a time in my life (age 3-11) that I have virtually no recall of. I believe I have repressed trauma from those years that has impacted my life in countless ways. As this occurred some 60 years ago there is no one left to ask what happened… so I don’t…
Untangling Newsletter – Where do Parts come from?
-It’s January. We have been thinking about how things might be different this year–maybe you have too. You’re probably curious about when our Untangling book will be finished. Good news! It’s nearly done! We’ve worked on it intensively for the past three years. Would you like to read an excerpt? Here’s a section called “Where do Parts come from?”…
Focusing Tip #827 – “Is Focusing self-centered and self-absorbed?”
-Focusing Tip #827 – “Is Focusing self-centered and self-absorbed?” Are you self-centered and self-absorbed if you spend time listening to your feelings? Read on… A Reader writes: I told some of my relatives over the holidays that I am interested in Focusing. One person told me they think things like Focusing are “self-centered and self-absorbed.” I don’t feel that’s true but I can’t articulate why very well. Maybe you can? Dear Reader: I’m happy to give it a try. I know that by doing…
How you feel when other people say no to you | Setting Healthy Boundaries
-Do you wish you could set healthy boundaries without guilt and without hurting your relationships? That can be hard to do. You can learn a lot about why by looking at how you feel when other people say No to you. It might even be that how you feel when someone says No to you is blocking you from being able to say a clear No to others. Can you relate to any of these people? Dawn gets…
Focusing Tip #826 – “How do I get past the initial resistance?”
-Focusing Tip #826 – “How do I get past the initial resistance?” What if you are inviting someone to pause and feel, and they don’t want to? Read on… Alan asks: I keep returning to your Inner Relationship Focusing, having read Focusing in Clinical Practice. I use this in my coaching work regularly and in my own development. One thing I get curious about, both in myself and the folks I support, is how to get past that initial resistance? What if the invitation…
Focusing Tip #825 – “It’s hard to become aware of my parts”
-Focusing Tip #825 – “It’s hard to become aware of my parts” Do you have a hard time becoming aware of your parts? Read on… A Reader asks: I can only notice that parts are here because I can tell I am not Self-in-Presence. (I.e, I don’t feel empathetic, or I seem to hate other parts, or I seem to do Focusing with the hidden intention to get rid of parts.) But the parts themselves are either hiding, or I’m completely merged with them.…
Focusing Tip #824 – “I don’t have time to sense what’s right for me”
-Focusing Tip #824 – “I don’t have time to sense what’s right for me” Does it feel like you don’t have time to sense what is really right for you? Read on… A Reader asks: I’m just emerging from a time of caring for my mother, and now I can give attention to my own needs. But I have a lot of confusion about what’s right for me. I’m trying to do Focusing to help me sense my way forward, but whenever I try,…
Boundaries and Families – Can it ever get easier? | Setting Healthy Boundaries
-Families can be great! But family relationships can also feel like sticky webs of guilt and obligation. I know mine did. It wasn’t until I learned Focusing at age 22 that I began to realize how tangled up my “very nice” family was. In my family growing up, people rarely asked for anything directly, so there was little chance to have a clean conversation about requests. Instead, hints and indirect communication were used to convey “how it was.”…
