“I reassured the part that it could relax but…”
-Focusing Tip #576 – “I reassured the part that it could relax but…” Merilyn writes: Recently I had to mind my 10 month old granddaughter for the whole night, and because she wouldn’t settle in the cot, I had her in bed with me. I could not get to sleep, so paying attention and being curious about what was happening in my body, I became aware of something in me that was highly vigilant. As I spent time with this part, it became clear…
“I’m not getting any messages from this part…”
-Tip #575 – They say your inner “felt sense” has meaning and is supposed to tell you something… but what if it doesn’t? A Reader writes: Doing an exercise about a block to action, I invited the part that was blocking me, and got a bit lost. The invited part was present as subtle movements in my head and neck and some sensations of a pressure or presence externally in the same area. There were brief expressions of grief (I think), but no images…
How long does it take to untangle a tangle?
-Focusing Tip #574 – “Even though I get hopeless and impatient I do enjoy being compassionate with myself.” Ellen writes: How long does it take to untangle a tangle? As I write this I remember what I am saying to myself a lot these days: “I can be the way I am for as long as I need to be!!!” So I know there cannot be a day, time, or month answer to my question. Even though I get hopeless and impatient I do…
Making Good Decisions
-I abandoned my sister when she was dying. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but actually it was the worst decision I ever made. Mona was at the end of a two-year battle with lung cancer, at home with hospice, losing the ability to speak and to eat. I had been with her for a week, holding her hand, singing to her, taking comforting walks with our mom, hanging out with Mona’s teenage sons. Mona managed to talk enough to let…
I wish my anger would get bigger and stronger.
-Focusing Tip #573 – Anger (used consciously) can help you stand your ground and set good boundaries. But what if you can’t feel your anger? A Reader writes: I was Focusing on feelings that came up in a talk with a neighbor. First I felt confusion and hurt. Then for a moment in the background I experienced anger and rage … but it was fleeting, slight, small, almost like a ghost. I wish I could expand and widen the anger, so that it comes…
“I struggle regularly with physical pain.”
-Focusing Tip #572 – “Is it hard to honor and listen to physical pain because you just don’t want to be in pain?” Michelle writes: Wondering if you can help me. I struggle regularly with physical pain. And there’s a part of me that wants to honor that pain when it comes up and listen to what it is wanting to tell me. And there’s another part of me that doesn’t want to feel the sensations of the pain. Sitting with both sides has…
What to do when feelings are too big or overwhelming.
-Focusing Tip #571 – Do you hesitate to spend time with your feelings because they are likely to swallow you up? Eve writes: Last week you wrote about Distant Process and what to do with feelings that disappear when you say Hello to them. Could you write about Close Process and what to do when feelings are too big, too overwhelming? Dear Eve: A great follow-up question! Yes, last week I wrote about the distinction between “Close Process” and “Distant Process,” and I gave…
Do your feelings disappear just when you want to learn something from them?
-Focusing Tip #570 – “Do your feelings disappear just when you want to learn something from them?” A Reader writes: A lot of times in Focusing I am supposed to ask the feeling something, but that usually makes me lose the feeling. I am a distant processor most of the time, so many things make it even dimmer when I need it to get more strong. Dear Reader: It’s an interesting distinction, the one between “close process” and “distant process.” “Close process” means your…
What good does it do to know that I was hurt in the past?
-Focusing Tip #569 – “Knowing that I don’t want to be attacked does not prevent other people from attacking me.” Michelle writes: Ann, I’m hoping you can help me. In focusing with a blocked part of me, I often get an understanding that this part of me does not want to be attacked. It often brings a memory of a painful incident from my past where someone did or said something that caused great emotional pain. While I appreciate the information, I often don’t…
When you aren’t hungry but you eat anyway
-Focusing Tip #568 – “And then I become aware I am munching on something I didn’t even want…” Connie writes: Around 4:00 to 6:00 PM on most days I find myself in the kitchen craving something. I know I am not hungry because nothing I see appeals to me. And then I become aware I am munching on something I didn’t even want. I feel bad about myself but also…disappointed, discouraged, regretful, frustrated, displeased. I am beginning to recognize these moments of unconsciousness, or…
