Focusing Tip #687 – “I can’t get over my partner’s having kids with another woman.”
-Focusing Tip #687 – “I can’t get over my partner’s having kids with another woman.” If you’re tormented by feelings about your partner’s past and other relationships, what can you do? Read on… Michelle writes: I try so hard to make peace with the fact that my boyfriend experienced having children with another woman before me. I find myself comparing myself to his ex-partner, feeling threatened by his relationship with his kids, feeling (irrationally) angry at him that he had kids before I was…
Focusing Tip #686 – “I’m not at all sure I have a Self-in-Presence”
-Focusing Tip #686 – “I’m not at all sure I have a Self-in-Presence” What can you do if you don’t know what Self-in-Presence is or how to find it? Read on… Jim writes: I’ve done your e-mail series Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You and practice the techniques regularly. The problem is, I’m not at all sure I have a Self-in-Presence. I’ve never been able to find and identify him. How can I shift so that my Self-in-Presence is in the driver’s seat? Dear…
When You Have Physical Limitations
-Sometimes people ask me if the tips I give about inner peace in challenging times can help even in really tough situations. Such as long-term, serious physical challenges. The kind we’ll probably all face eventually as we get older… but some of us are facing them now. We’re bound to have reactions to these kinds of changes… but it’s what we do with those reactions that really makes a difference to our inner peace. I am in awe…
Focusing Tip #685 – “My aging mother needs me, and I resent her…”
-Focusing Tip #685 – “My aging mother needs me, and I resent her…” How do we find the balance between being there for another person, and giving care to ourselves? Read on… A Reader writes: My question relates to inner criticism: when I feel that I should take care of someone in need in my close circle, but doing it also involves internal difficulty, is that “should” a manifestation of internal criticism? For example, when my aging mother needs caring related to health issues,…
Focusing Tip #684 – “I am feeling my mother’s hopelessness – it’s not mine”
-Focusing Tip #684 – “I am feeling my mother’s hopelessness – it’s not mine” What can you do if the feeling you are experiencing is someone else’s feeling, not your own? Read on… Gudrun writes: When doing Focusing, I find a hopeless feeling that is connected to a really bad situation. But the situation is something that my mother experienced before I was born. I acknowledge the hopeless feeling, that it is really bad and so on, but how do I handle the fact…
When You Think You’re No Good
-One giant obstacle to feeling inwardly peaceful and good about yourself is an inner critic that seems to think you need to be knocked down to size if you start feeling good. Did you ever have that happen? Life is going along OK, and then comes this inner voice saying, “You don’t deserve to feel good… what have you done with your life?… look at all the other people and what they’ve done… you’re really nothing…” and on…
Focusing Tip #683 – “I made a mistake and now I feel my guts turning around”
-Focusing Tip #683 – “I made a mistake and now I feel my guts turning around” Do your guts twist up with shame when you make a mistake, even a very innocent one? Read on… Ada writes: As a boss, I made a mistake today. I decided something that affected my clients, and they complained. It was an innocent mistake but I’m very harsh with myself, blaming myself for that stupid mistake. I feel that my guts are turning around and I feel very…
Focusing Tip #682 – “I don’t know how not to merge with my hurt parts when I am with my family.”
-Focusing Tip #682 – “I don’t know how not to merge with my hurt parts when I am with my family.” Do you get triggered when you are with your family because it is so clear THEY are triggered? Read on… A Reader writes: The hardest time for me to be Self-in-Presence and not react out of my parts is when I am with my family – not my spouse, but my original family. Can you speak to how one can use Focusing and…
When You’re Scared to Fail
-Do you ever experience the kind of anxiety that can really stop you in your tracks? A lot of us get anxious sometimes. I know I do! There’s a lot out there to be anxious about! But of course, feeling anxiety — the tight shoulders, the beating heart, all of that — doesn’t really help you get safer from the things you’re anxious about. You might try to get yourself to calm down and relax. Or tell yourself…
