Focusing Tip #762 – “I blame other people for the mess we’re in”
-Focusing Tip #762 – “I blame other people for the mess we’re in” Do you find yourself caught in thinking that other people are causing your problems? Read on… A Reader writes: Things were getting better, and now they’re getting worse again. That’s how it seems anyway. And I find myself continually thinking about the people who I blame for this situation, yelling at them in my mind. I’m getting more and more stressed. What can I do differently? Dear Reader: It’s tough when…
Focusing Tip #761 – “Sometimes I get the impulse to eat even though I’m not hungry.”
-Focusing Tip #761 – “Sometimes I get the impulse to eat even though I’m not hungry.” If you’ve got a part that wants to over-indulge and another part criticizing you, what can you do? Read on… Agnes writes: Sometimes I get the impulse to eat even though I’m not hungry. When I spend time with the impulse, I get that it’s a part that’s resisting another part of me, the relentless perfectionist. These two parts keep setting each other off, and I’m caught in…
Focusing Tip #760 – “Maybe being truly relaxed is too good to be true.”
-Focusing Tip #760 – “Maybe being truly relaxed is too good to be true.” When your stressful feelings don’t change, is it ever because change itself is scary? Read on… Maria writes: I’ve been Focusing for a while and I feel I’ve made progress with some of my inner questions. But I still feel a level of tension in my body. Part of me thinks I won’t be able to be free from this tension. It’s like that would be too good to be…
Focusing Tip #759 – “If I can overcome my sadness, then I can feel calm”
-Focusing Tip #759 – “If I can overcome my sadness, then I can feel calm” What can we do with our natural sadness about being distant from those we love? Read on… Antonio writes: My adult son and daughter are in a very independent stage and do not have much communication with me. I feel they do not have enough empathy in relation not only to their parents but also to other people. My strategy has been to wait until they change (if they…
Focusing Tip #758 – “My adult daughter offloads on me…”
-Focusing Tip #758 – “My adult daughter offloads on me…” What if you pick up on the other person’s mood and their stressful feelings stress you? Read on… Katelynn writes: My adult daughter offloads to me whenever she gets stressed! I notice whenever she gets like that I pick up on her mood and I come away from her feeling very stressed myself! Whenever she is happy and in good form I come away happy and in good form. It’s as if my mood…
Focusing Tip #757 – Focusing when reactive or dissociated
-Focusing Tip #757 – Focusing when reactive or dissociated Merging with parts, including parts that dissociate us from feelings, can be challenging. What can we do? Read on… Janine writes: I notice sometimes when I try to focus on my own, if I am too merged or in a reactive state, I have a hard time being Self-in-Presence. I notice myself drifting off into merging with the parts rather than being Self-in-Presence, especially when I’m feeling disassociated from my body. Do you have any…
Focusing Tip #756 – “I don’t know if this physical sensation is a felt sense.”
-Focusing Tip #756 – “I don’t know if this physical sensation is a felt sense.” Do you get confused by not knowing where your body sensations come from? Read on… Margriet writes: Sometimes I get a bit confused: I don’t know whether a physical sensation is caused by just having done too much with my body, or whether it’s a felt sense. Today I felt an aching in my chest, but maybe it was just because I’d been lifting boxes. Any ideas on how…
Focusing Tip #755 – “I can’t accept this emotionally abusive part of me.”
-Focusing Tip #755 – “I can’t accept this emotionally abusive part of me.” Do you have an emotionally abusive part in you that you don’t want to accept? Read on… Susie writes: I have recently acknowledged a part of me that is very mean and very emotionally abusive. This part is essentially a mirror of my stepmother who abused me horribly. I am so angry that this “abusive stepmother” part even exists inside of me. I understand that part of Focusing is allowing all…
Focusing Tip #754 – “How can I get a felt sense when I don’t have one?”
-Focusing Tip #754 – “How can I get a felt sense when I don’t have one?” What can you do if you don’t find any feelings… yet you know they are in there somewhere? Read on…. Edward writes: Sometimes there is no awareness of a felt sense in my experience. When I’m with a partner, his/her presence helps me with that. But when I’m Focusing alone and I don’t sense any felt sense, I feel like giving up. I believe that we cannot force…
Focusing Tip #753 – Focusing when the feelings are “too much”
-Focusing Tip #753 – Focusing when the feelings are “too much” What can you do when your feelings are so intense that they scare you… and it feels like even feeling them is too much? Read on… Edward writes: I need help with what to do when in Focusing I go through intense feelings like anxiety, anguish, stress, etc. When it is too much, I stop the experience in order not to re-traumatize. But then I don’t know how I can get back to…
