Focusing Tip #812 – “I’m still engaging in self-sabotage”
-Focusing Tip #812 – “I’m still engaging in self-sabotage” What if understanding that your parts are protecting you hasn’t helped you change? Read on… A Reader writes: I have been doing IFS for about 2 months and I feel like I have a very good understanding of my parts and how they are working to protect me from trauma I have experienced, particularly around food, weight and appearance. However I still have not experienced a shift. I am still engaging in self sabotage and…
Focusing Tip #811 – “There are no enemies inside.”
-Focusing Tip #811 – “There are no enemies inside.” What is Inner Relationship Focusing and where did it come from? Read on… Dear Reader: Fifty years ago, in the fall of 1972, I met Eugene Gendlin and began a lifelong practice of Focusing. At that time, I was so unaware of my feelings that it was easier for me to tell how other people felt than how I felt. Not surprisingly, my emotional life was a mess. I was filled with impulses, longings, addictions,…
Focusing Tip #810 – “This part seems to hate me”
-Focusing Tip #810 – “This part seems to hate me” What can you do if a part of you attacks you viciously for making a mistake? Read on… A Reader writes: A part of me is convinced that I am a worthless person. I’ve heard you say that all our parts are on our side, but this one seems to hate me. If I make a mistake, like in a relationship with someone, this part blames me for ruining everything because I’m such a…
Focusing Tip #809 – Who is the “you” who can say Hello to your parts?
-Focusing Tip #809 – Who is the “you” who can say Hello to your parts? Who is the “you” who can say Hello to your parts? Read on… Jeff writes: Thank you for Tip #808! It’s REALLY helpful to be reminded that the part that’s scared, stuck, or resisting “doesn’t have to change”! For me it sounds like real compassion in action. I have a question though. You said “parts do not need to act. … You are the one who, once healing happens,…
Focusing Tip #808 – When a part doesn’t get moving even after being heard
-Focusing Tip #808 – When a part doesn’t get moving even after being heard Is it over-indulgence to keep listening to a part that never seems to move? Read on… A Reader writes: Can we reach a point that we over-indulge a part that never seems to move? I think of this like a child who refuses to go to school. The mother listens, cares, understands the child’s fear and anything else the child relates. She really holds a space for her. But then…
Focusing Tip #807 – “I wish I could let my feelings go and get on with life.”
-Focusing Tip #807 – “I wish I could let my feelings go and get on with life.” What can you do with strong feelings that seem to be in your way? Read on… Helen writes: I get strong feelings that don’t go away easily. I sometimes think I am the only one who feels like this… when of course I know I’m not. I wish I could like to learn to hold my feelings separate from me and value them, and then let them…
Focusing Tip #806 – Focusing works even without Parts
-Focusing Tip #806 – Focusing works even without Parts Can we do Inner Relationship Focusing without talking about parts? Read on… Grace writes: I work with someone who doesn’t like to say “something in me” because she feels deeply that she is a unified whole, and doesn’t relate to parts language. How can Inner Relationship Focusing work for people if they are allergic to thinking they have parts? Dear Grace: In my experience, talking as if we have parts actually helps us be more…
Focusing Tip #805 – “Can we name our Parts?”
-Focusing Tip #805 – “Can we name our Parts?” Does it help to name our parts if we meet them again and again? Read on… Amanda writes: I really liked your answer last week because I feel very comfortable saying “part of me.” But I am wondering about taking it a step further and naming our “recurring characters” or finding an image for them. Personally I can find it very reassuring to greet an old friend (like an inner critic, worrier, pleaser, etc). But…
Focusing Tip #804 – What about saying “part of me”?
-Focusing Tip #804 – What about saying “part of me”? When does “part of me” work better than “something in me”? Read on… Stephanie writes: Thanks for your Tip last week. I must admit there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel comfy with the “something in me” words either. I always say “a part of me.” It doesn’t feel good to me to call parts of myself things. A long time ago now I had vivid dreams about my little girl inside being…
Focusing Tip #803 – Not everyone likes to say “something in me”
-Focusing Tip #803 – Not everyone likes to say “something in me” What do you do when someone doesn’t want to say “something in me”? Read on… A Reader writes: A friend of mine called me to vent her feelings of anger at her mom’s boyfriend — who I have to agree would make anybody furious. I just listened for a long time, but when my friend started telling me how sick she was of being angry, I ventured to suggest that she might…
