"I say I'm feeling sad without really having a sense of my body"
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A reader writes: "I have found that many times I quickly put a word to it… say that I'm feeling sad, for example, without really having an acute sense of what's going on in my body that tells me that I'm feeling sad. For me, while the 'instant wordage' works well sometimes, there are other times when there isn't a word… and there I get a bit stymied… and I find myself wondering if there's a way to bypass the 'word' part (and thus help to get my mind a bit more out of the way)?"
Dear Reader,
Well, yes, there is a way to bypass the 'word' part, as my friend Glenn Fleisch often reminds me–you could get a gesture or a movement instead. Images are also welcome, when they come as a way to describe something felt, as in: "It feels like a puppy with its tail between its legs."
But it sounds like it isn't so much the finding of words that might be getting in your way, as the willingness to wait and allow something to be there with no words.
I'd recommend not letting quick words come. Or if they do, to offer them back to the body felt experience and sense if they fit.
It's a good thing if they don't quite fit! That means you're in touch with the "more" that's there.
It's true that this is not a very comfortable place to be, this place of sensing and not quite having the word. Something in you wants to bypass the word! But that would be a pity… because much of the richness of Focusing comes right here, when we sit with a felt sense that can't quite be described.
Finding the "right" word is not the point. Being with the "more-than-words" feeling… that's the point.
Is there always a right word?
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Sometimes people approach this stage of the Focusing process with a goal orientation: There is some correct word to describe what I'm feeling, and I need to find it in order to get on with the next phase.
I'd recommend instead a more relational approach. When a felt experience first emerges, finding a description for what it feels like can help you be in relationship with it. The relationship is more important that being successful in finding "the" word.
In fact, although some words feel right and bring a sense of relief, they are always incomplete… felt experience cannot be described exhaustively in words, especially single words. (Metaphoric phrases, or felt gestures, or images, do better.)
So the goal is not to "get it right." The goal is to be with it.
And if there is "something in you" feeling impatient to get on with it, then that is something to acknowledge and be with as well.
