What If Other People Are Blocked Too?
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Sometimes what's blocked is not just your own life, but a whole situation, involving other people and what seem to be circumstances beyond your control.
What then?
In the paradigm that's dominant in our culture, an inner contemplative process like Focusing only changes one's self… and perhaps other people indirectly, as a result of our behaving differently after Focusing.
But in the world view that underlies Focusing, the Philosophy of the Implicit, we are not fundamentally separate beings who only affect each other through behavior. We are inherently in relation. "Relationship first," says Gendlin.
What that means to me is that if I choose to, I can get a felt sense of the whole situation, not just my own emotional reaction to it.
What carries forward the whole situation, also carries forward everyone involved in it.
"Carrying forward" is Gendlin's term for an action or a process that brings a next step, that brings relief, that takes us beyond the block. So just think of that for a moment. Think of a situation, perhaps, in which you feel blocked.
First, notice if other people are involved somehow, in the blocked situation. Are they?
Next, just ask yourself: If you had to choose between a solution that carried forward just you alone, and a solution that carried forward everyone involved, which would you prefer?
Getting a Felt Sense of the Whole Situation
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To get a felt sense of the whole situation, start by feeling your body's grounding contact of what you're sitting, standing, or lying on. Your feet, your seat, your back… feeling that support beneath you. Being aware of your breathing, letting it deepen if it wants to.
Now invite a sense of the whole situation that you're concerned with. Let your awareness be in your body… and invite your body's sense of the whole thing. It will probably take some time to allow that felt sense to develop.
If you had a quick reaction, or a painful or emotional one, take time to acknowledge it, using this phrase: "I'm sensing something in me that…" That may be something you'll need to be with for a while, on your way to coming back to the sense of the whole situation.
Once you have a sense of the whole situation, another "something" that you may need to acknowledge is a part that needs to know the answer. A nice Hello to that one can help you come back to just sensing and keeping company with the sense of the whole.
There is some carrying forward that fits for everyone. You don't have to know what it is. But, as you sit with the felt sense of the whole, can you feel the rightness of that… the wanting of that… that some carrying forward fits for everyone?
