January 26 2010 – Tip #213

Eileen writes: "At times, my emotions get caught up in petty
squabbles at work. For example, I will find myself feeling angry,
thinking, 'I can't believe so-and-so did that…what was he
thinking…' I
realize that I have choices as to how I work with my angry feelings. I
could
come into Presence and use a Focusing approach, attending to
the part of me that is holding the anger. However, I also have an
approach that
just seems to nip it in the bud, and also seems to allow me to get
less and less involved in these petty squabbles as time goes on. I
recall a writing that I have posted on the wall of my office that says:
'In the final analysis it is between you and God, it was never
between you and them anyway…'

"I was wondering about your opinion on
using a technique like this, which calms me in a split-second; as opposed to a
Focusing approach, which takes longer, but may have more lasting benefits. Of course,
I also use Focusing throughout my day, and maintain a formal Focusing practice
with a partner."

Dear Eileen,
How wonderful that you have something that works so well!

It
strikes me that what is happening at those moments (when you remember
to read the quote) is that you actually ARE coming into Presence. The
fact that this has a cumulative effect over time–you notice yourself
being less reactive as time goes on–is another indication that you are
doing something that has a healing effect.

So I would like to say a couple of things.

First,
I wouldn't want to say that IR Focusing is the only good thing to do.
Luckily, there are a number of transformational methods or ways of
being, and why not use all of them that suit us.

Second, being
in Presence is not unique to Focusing. Accessing and living from our
larger compassionate Self is something that a number of methods draw
on, and again, this is a good thing. All such methods can be used
together and can be supportive of each other.

(What's unique to Focusing is the felt sense, that can come because we are in Presence.)

… is some kind of skipping or bypassing. If you never
spent time with the parts of you that are reactive, and always handled
those situations by shifting your way of thinking, then you could be
bypassing access to your whole self.

But obviously that's not the case here–for two reasons.

One,
because you have both formal and informal Focusing practice in your
life, so there is a place for these parts of you to have compassionate
company and find their steps of change.

Two, because if you were
really bypassing important feelings, you wouldn't find them fading over
time, but rather getting stronger and more insistent.