“I know deep inside that I need to distance myself from my parents forever…”

D writes:
“I know deep inside that I need to distance myself from my parents forever. This inner knowing of the next step feels so right inside…that I don’t even want any speck of anything having to do with them be present inside my body, not even a thought.

“But on the outside I feel an obligation to stay in touch, at least for a few years until I fully establish myself to support myself. This is not something I can talk to them about. I see an image of a vacuum trying to pull me closer and me trying to get away.”

Dear D,
It’s true that Focusing is about sensing the inner knowing of the right next step. And unfortunately – as you have discovered – the right next step is not always possible.

Here’s what I love: We can get all the relief and release from knowing and even having the right next step, even though it isn’t happening yet. How? Through inviting the body to show us what that right step would feel like. The feeling comes now…and so does the relief. The body changes…and allows the next step after that to begin to form.

At the same time, it is important to acknowledge “something in you” that really doesn’t want what in fact is necessary: the continued contact with your parents now. Let it know you really hear it doesn’t want that, and let it tell you all about what it doesn’t want about that.

“Asking my body… brings tremendous joy and relief…”

In a later email, D wrote: “Asking my body what would it feel like to actually make this step of forever distancing myself from them brings tremendous joy and relief, as if new life and light is coming into my world!”

Exactly! Now you get to have that bodily felt experience of tremendous joy and relief, let it be there for you as fully as it wants to be. This larger experience of yourself gives you even more resources to turn compassionately to the places in you that don’t like or don’t want what is still necessary.

We don’t know what will happen next. Your body shows you that you are shifting to a new place. From that new place, we don’t know what your choices will be. Enjoy…and keep sensing…