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Focusing Tip #659 – “That person hurt me deeply and I want to forgive…”

Focusing Tip #659 – “That person hurt me deeply and I want to forgive…”
June 7, 2019 Ann Weiser Cornell
If you thought you had forgiven someone, but you realize that you still hold a grudge

Focusing Tip #659 – “That person hurt me deeply and I want to forgive…”

If you thought you had forgiven someone, but you realize that you still hold a grudge… Read on…


Lucy writes:

I have forgiven someone who hurt me very deeply, but I am realizing that it is only with my will, and deep down I think I still hold a grudge and am afraid of that person. How can Focusing help me to come to a place of forgiveness from deep within?

Hi Lucy:

It’s very good that you are recognizing you have more processing to do in regard to this person. Something in you still needs attention.

It sounds like you really wanted to forgive the person, but there are parts of you that still have feelings that need to be heard and acknowledged.

The good news is that when you hear and acknowledge those feelings, you really will become free of that person. Won’t that be great?

So here’s what I would suggest:

  1. Set aside some time, maybe about half an hour, when you will not be interrupted. Sit comfortably… and you might have some paper nearby to take some notes.
  2. Settle in to awareness of your body, and feel your grounded support. You might want to close your eyes. If it feels right, let a hand go to your heart.
  3. Say to yourself inside, “I would like to get to know the part of me that holds a grudge and is scared of the person.” Then wait. When you become aware of something, say Hello to that.
  4. Your job now is to simply listen as this part of you lets you know how it is feeling. It is important not to try to change the feelings. Just keep saying to it, “I really hear you.” Stay with the feeling in your body so you can feel when it starts to shift and relax. And it will… when it feels heard.

1 Comment

  1. Mariana C. Viera 1 month ago

    Thank you Ann

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