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Focusing Tip #672 – “I am so tired of the war inside”

Focusing Tip #672 – “I am so tired of the war inside”
September 11, 2019 Ann Weiser Cornell
“Something in me feels helpless and defeated. Something in me feels trapped...”

Focusing Tip #672 – “I am so tired of the war inside”

Are you tired of the eternal war between the controlling part and the rebellious part? Read on…


Erin writes:

I am so tired of the war inside. So tired of the conflict between all my parts. Each morning when I wake up I am anxious about what will happen that day. Which part will win or take over? Which part will retaliate? It is usually a battle between the controlling part and the rebellious part and it results in me indulging with eating. I try to pause and do Focusing but it’s just confusing me. Something in me feels helpless and defeated. Something in me feels trapped. Can you please help with this?

Dear Erin:

I so much feel where you are coming from. I have been there. I know the battle, I know the anxiety, and I know the overwhelming temptation to bring peace to both by eating… or drinking… or TV bingeing. This is what we’d call a Tangle.

The good news is that peace is possible another way. We can get bigger than the battle and at the same time be compassionate to our warring parts.

It starts with cultivating Self-in-Presence. You develop your ability to turn toward what you are feeling without getting caught in the battle. One way to do that is with the language: “I am sensing something in me…”

I hear that you are already saying “something in me,” as in “Something in me feels helpless and defeated.” That’s good! Now add the words, “I am sensing.”

“I am sensing something in me feels helpless and defeated.” And really BE that “I” who is turning toward and sensing the one inside you who is feeling helpless and defeated right now.

I know: that probably feels like all of you. So then acknowledge, “and right now it feels like all of me.” Keep at it, even when it doesn’t feel true yet that this is merely “something in you.”

This takes time and patience but with determination, you can do it.

It’s also important to cultivate Self-in-Presence in other ways: by giving yourself experiences of care, rest, and refreshment. Walking in nature, paying attention to beauty, doing yoga or dance.

Tangles do untangle… and then so much more of your beautiful life is here too.

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