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Focusing Tip #679 – “I’ve wasted my life so far, all that energy and nothing to show for it.”

Focusing Tip #679 – “I’ve wasted my life so far, all that energy and nothing to show for it.”
October 30, 2019 Ann Weiser Cornell
“So much time wasted on wrong men, feeling angry at our bosses, ... dieting, feeling shame...”

Focusing Tip #679 – “I’ve wasted my life so far, all that energy and nothing to show for it.”

Do you feel the deep frustration of having wasted too much of your life on wrong relationships, anger, and shame? Read on…


Ada writes:

I spoke with my dear friend and we shared a feeling: What have we done in our lives so far? So much time wasted on wrong men, feeling angry at our bosses, and basically energy lost for nothing, dieting, feeling shame. Years that will never return and the feeling is awful, desperate and frustrating.

The question is how to overcome this feeling of deep frustration?

Dear Ada:

I think the feeling of deep frustration is telling you something. It’s asking you to stop “wasting your life.” So I don’t want to advise you how to overcome the feeling of frustration. Instead, I’d like to help you live a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

Each of the issues you mention is something that Focusing can help with.

And it is not too late!

I was 50 years old before I stopped wasting my time on “wrong men”… meaning that I was staying in relationships with men who were cold, critical, and self-absorbed the way my father was. It was doing deep inner work with a younger part of me who was still trying for her father’s love that shifted all that. At last.

I’m not sure why you feel angry at your bosses but there is some reason… and probably it points to something you could discover or develop, perhaps a greater sense of empowerment to do your own thing, or to communicate clearly what you need.

As for dieting and feeling shame (I suppose those are related), it’s possible to break free of the cycle of shaming ourselves in order to try to change, which will never work because there is a rebel part who will refuse to be told what to do. (See my course The Urge to Indulge for more on this.)

So what do you WANT to do in the rest of your beautiful life? What feels deeply right, all the way down?

If you don’t know… then perhaps you know some things about it. Like: “At least it would be something I could be proud of.” Or: “It would be something creative.” Acknowledge that much, and keep listening… the next step will come from there.

Yes, it is YOUR life… and now is the time!

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