Focusing Tip #705 – “I seem to be plagued lately with thoughts of my own death.”

Is there a good reason why parts of us obsess about death? Read on…

Michelle writes:

I seem to be plagued lately with thoughts of my own death.

I don’t think it’s necessarily related to the COVID pandemic. I think it’s related to being middle aged and having all kinds of “What kind of impact do I want to have with my life while I’m here” kinds of questions. I’m thinking there are many parts, including one that is quite angry that I can’t know the date of my death, one that is scared to die, etc.

I can’t seem to find the forward motion. Would appreciate any help!

Dear Michelle:

So… what kind of impact do you want to have with your life while you’re here?

I suspect that a part of you is anxious about when you are going to deal with that question, and is sending thoughts of your death to get you to address it.

But of course I can’t know. Even you don’t know… yet!

What needs to happen is a process of inner relationship — with each of these parts.

The relationship with each one starts with, “Hello, I know you’re there — and I’d like to get to know you better.”

So for example the part that is quite angry that you can’t know the date of your death. “Hello!” you’d say to it. “I hear you’re quite angry! And I’d love to know more what it is about me knowing the date of my death… that you want for me.”

And then there’s the part that’s scared you’ll die. “Hello! I really get that you are scared I’ll die. And I’m wondering… What it is about me dying that you most don’t want?”

(I know it might seem silly to ask what that part doesn’t want from dying. Like, isn’t that obvious? But I once asked this question of a group of ten people and got ten different answers! From “nothingness” to “it means I’ll never climb El Capitan.”)

What that part doesn’t want from dying is probably directly related to what you want from living. And I suspect that’s where the forward momentum is. Other related questions are:

What brings me joy?
What is the need I see in front of me, that matches my skills?
If I were looking back at my life from the end of it, what would I want to say I had done?

Trying to answer those questions from the intellect can take you in circles. But when you get quiet and bring them into the body, what emerges is not only information but also the energy to take forward steps. One step at a time…