Focusing Tip #751 – “I carry so much wounding from how my parents treated me”
Do you find yourself blaming others (like your parents) for your painful feelings now? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I keep blaming my parents for how I feel. I carry so much wounding from how they treated me, and it limits my life. How can I shift these feelings that are because of how my parents treated me?
“Blaming” is an interesting phenomenon. Sometimes we blame others. Sometimes we blame ourselves.
“If only they hadn’t done that, I’d feel better today.”
or: “If only I hadn’t done that, I’d feel better today.”
It’s an understandable thing to do, because we know that what happened (whatever it was) wasn’t right.
But if you look at the actual effect of the blaming, you can see that, whether we blame others or ourselves, the result is that the feelings themselves get abandoned and are left alone.
Imagine two parents arguing loudly while a child is left lonely and neglected in a corner of the room. When blaming is going on (when a part of you is blaming others or yourself), in effect a child is being neglected.
I would invite you to turn your attention inward. Pause… and feel your body supported, resting on that support.
Let your awareness come inward, to that inner area that includes your throat, your chest, your stomach and abdomen. And just be there.
Now give a gentle invitation to something in you that feels wounded, or limited… whatever words fit for you. (When it comes, it may have other words… or feelings without words.)
Wait… with patience and kindness. And when you start to feel something, just give it your gentle attention. Sense what kind of company it would like from you right now.
That is the healing process. If you also become aware of something in you angry at your parents, you can say hello to that too. But don’t let it carry you too far away from just being with the young one inside you who is hurting.
Being gently and kindly present with the hurting one inside is what can bring real and lasting change. And the part of you that wants to blame? Well, you can be gently and kindly present with that one, too!