Do you want to know how to find a Focusing partner and what to do when you’ve got one? Read on…
Min writes:
After reading your Tip from last week on the value of a Focusing partner, I want to ask you: Can you give me some pointers as to how to find a good Focusing partner? And what do you do with a Focusing partner?
Dear Min:
The first place to look for a good Focusing partner is among your trusted friends. Is there someone who you feel comfortable with, who respects your point of view, who never tries to fix you or change you? And is that person, like you, interested in personal growth and emotional healing?
You could say: “Would you like to try this Focusing partnership thing with me?”
As for what to do with a Focusing partner, my book The Power of Focusing has a whole chapter on that, called “Focusing with a Friend.”
“When you and a friend agree to practice Focusing together, you are forming a Focusing partnership, a relationship of equal exchange. It isn’t like therapy, where one person gets paid and the other person gets the attention. In a Focusing partnership, you and your friend will divide the time equally and take turns in two roles. The two roles are the ‘Focuser’ and the ‘listener’, the companion of the Focuser.” (page 77)
The other great way to find a Focusing partner is to take a class with a Focusing teacher. Like me! You’ll meet other people interested in Focusing, and by practicing with different people during the class, you’re likely to find someone whose style fits with yours.
Above all, though, remember that the essence of Focusing partnership is something we call “holding the space.” That means being non-judgmental and non-interfering. Not giving advice, not “fixing.” Trusting the process.
Focusing works precisely because our living process naturally moves forward. When you sense that something in you feels angry, and you say to it, “Hello, I know you’re there, and I sense you’re angry,” it tells you more. Soon enough, it’s not angry any more, but it’s something else. Maybe disappointed, or sad.
Feelings evolve, when given kind attention. They evolve in the direction of life. That’s what we can trust… as Focusers, and as Focusing partners.
