If you can’t feel a part that you know is there, is that because it’s hiding? Or is something hiding it? Read on…
Paul writes:
When I can’t feel an emotion – like fear – that I know is there, that is a kind of dissociation, isn’t it? I’ve been assuming that that part is dissociated from my body because it’s so terrified.
But now I’m wondering if there is also another part that is pushing it away, keeping me from feeling it. Is that part also terrified? How would I get in contact with these parts?
Dear Paul:
When you can’t feel an emotion of a part of you that you know is there, that could be because it is hiding and doesn’t want to be felt.
And it could also be that another part of you is pushing it away, covering it up, exiling it.
And it could even be both!
So it’s definitely a good idea to be open to acknowledging something that doesn’t want to be felt, and something that doesn’t want you to feel that.
If there is something that’s pushing another feeling away, you’ll probably need to start by inviting a relationship with that one. You might not feel the pushing-away in your body at first, or you might experience it like a blanket, or a barrier, something of that type.
In any case, you can say Hello to it. If you’re not sure where it is, say “Hello, I know you’re around here somewhere.” Once you acknowledge it, you’re likely to become aware of it… enough to be able to sense what it’s worried about.
Yes, it might be terrified. Or it might be worried for you, that you’ll get overwhelmed if you get in touch with the other one.
Whatever it is, you’ll let it know you hear it, and you’ll keep listening.
Above all, what matters is the quality of your relationship with these parts. If you take your time, don’t judge, and remember that everything in you is trying to help you, hidden parts will start to trust you and will let themselves be felt and seen.
(People sometimes wonder about Inner Relationship Focusing being parts work. Yes, it is. For a comparison to IFS, see this Tip.
