Are you too much for your Focusing partner if all you can do is cry? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I struggle not to be completely overwhelmed by emotions about what’s going on right now in the Middle East.
Sometimes when I’m meant to be Focusing with a partner, all I can do is cry. The grief and fear and anger seem unbearable. Should I cancel my appointment with my Focusing partner when I’m pretty sure that all I can do is cry?
Dear Reader:
Hard things happen in the world, and this situation right now is surely really hard. I’d invite you to say “No wonder” to the strong emotions coming up in you.
No wonder there is grief, no wonder there is anger, no wonder there is fear.
Emotions aren’t wrong. They make sense. Being an accepting space for our own emotions is a big step, because at least we aren’t fighting with ourselves.
What you may not know is that you can be crying, and at the same time you can accompany your crying. You can be sensing the place where the crying is coming from, and assuring every part of you that crying is OK, it is understandable, it can come. (The same with raging, or being terrified.)
You can be with your feelings. You can say to them that you really sense how unbearable they feel. This is not to quiet them or make them go away! But you — the underlying, whole you — will get stronger. And your deepest sense will be that you are OK, underneath all this.
When you do this, you are Focusing, and you are not burdening your Focusing partner.
Your Focusing partner simply accompanies you as you accompany yourself. There’s nothing to fix, nothing to change, nothing to judge. Both of you understand that crying is welcome, and sometimes crying is what needs to come.
