Are all our feelings really parts of us, even the positive ones? Read on…
A Reader writes:
As I was Focusing, I contacted a part of me that felt calm, strong, and capable. Later I was Focusing with some difficult feelings, and I decided to call back that strong, capable part of me at the end of the session. Was that OK to do?
Dear Reader:
It’s a great idea to begin and end a Focusing session by accessing your own sense of capability and strength, as well as your sense of calm and compassion.
We call this being Self-in-Presence. It’s an excellent place to start and end a Focusing session… and also from which to live your life.
But you don’t have to call it a part of you!
I know it surprises some people that not everything we feel is a “part.” They’ve learned our language of “something in me” as in “something in me is anxious,” or “something in me is irritated.” Sometimes people think that everything we feel is therefore a part.
I’m happy to clear up that misunderstanding! In Inner Relationship Focusing, we turn toward feelings that are painful, challenging, difficult, contractive, and so on… because those are the feelings that need our compassion.
Those are also the feelings that can evolve and change when we spend time with them.
Qualities of strength, capability, and calm are not painful, and they don’t need to change. Instead, they actually help us to be with the feelings that do need our care. So these are qualities we can step into and be instead of turning toward and having a relationship with.
Rather than saying “something in me is calm, strong, and capable,” you can say “I am calm, strong, and capable.” And it’s true!
