Does accepting yourself hold you back from change? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I heard you give a talk on Inner Relationship Focusing, and it struck me how gentle and self-loving it is. Would you say that the more you do Focusing, the more self-love you will cultivate?
And then I notice a worry that if I simply love myself, I won’t change. What would you say to that?
Dear Reader:
Yes! It’s definitely true that Inner Relationship Focusing is a way to cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. Living with more self-acceptance is a beautiful way to live.
And I can understand that “something in you” gets worried that if you accept yourself as you are, there won’t be enough impetus for you to change in the ways you want to change.
But the idea that we change through not accepting ourselves has been amply disproven! It’s pretty much the same as the idea that kids become good through being punished.
I love the realization that the life within me wants to live, and grow, and be expressed.
That means that when I accept myself, I also accept all the ways I want to grow, to express, to connect with others… all the ways I want to live more fully.
Yet at the same time I accept the hurt places inside me, the places that want to hide, to distract, to protect me from more pain. Through Inner Relationship Focusing I create a loving connection to those hurt parts, accepting them as they are… knowing that “as they are” includes their inherent need to heal and to grow. So it’s all good!
There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with you — or with me. We were born lovable and ready to be loved. Best of all, we are in a process — of healing, growing, learning, and discovering. So we change by loving ourselves as well.
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