Did
you ever have the experience of having to stop Focusing when it's
unfinished? You might say that you'll get back to it later — but what
if it doesn't trust you to do that? Read on…
"It takes a while to get there and then it's time to stop…"
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Cathy
writes: "Often in my Focusing sessions with my companions, the time
runs out just as I am starting to get to the core of something
significant. I usually will close with mentally marking that spot and
assuring the part that still needs to be listened to or explored that I
will be back.
"First of all, I don't necessarily come back to
that specific issue or place in my body because my understanding and
experience of Focusing is that it's best to go into the body and
spontaneously see what is there in response to a general invitation or
a particular issue/question.
"Second, even if a recurring
pattern does come up again, i.e. tension in my solar plexus that feels
fearful and doesn't trust me to take care of it, I don't necessarily
make any progress with it because it takes me a while to get there and
then it's time to end again.
"Can you address if and how we can
continue in a new session where we left off in the last session, to
help bring some conclusion?"
Hi Cathy,
So
the first thing I'd suggest, if your time often runs out just as you're
starting to get to the core of something significant, that you discuss
with your Focusing partner the possibility of longer sessions. I have
found that longer sessions are really important when you are working
with long-standing important issues. Perhaps even an hour each.
One
way to do hour-long sessions with a Focusing partner is to alternate
the time, one week your turn, the next week their turn. The depth and
attention available that way can be significant.
And yes it is
best to sense freshly what is here in the body right now–but you have
every right to ask for that fresh body sense to be ABOUT your
long-standing issue that you wanted to get back to. (See Tip #194, June
30 2009)
But it could be that what's really going on here has to do with trust…
When whether IT trusts YOU is the issue
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In Inner Relationship Focusing our standard move at the end of a session is: "I'm letting it know I'll be back."
But
in specific instances, for specific types of issues, there are other
kinds of endings that can feel even more satisfying and facilitative.
Cathy,
you mention a recurring pattern like a tension in your solar plexus
that feels fearful and doesn't trust you to take care of it. I've
noticed a couple of things about Focusing sessions where trust in the
inner relationship is the issue.
(1) For YOU to be there,
showing up as Self-in-Presence, calm, relaxed, and compassionate, is
the healing process. That's what it needs.
You can enhance that contact by sensing from IT what kind of contact IT would like from YOU right now.
(2)
That doesn't mean it trusts you right away! Trust takes time. So
Focusing sessions like these need time. No wonder you're writing to me
about this!
If you KNOW that when trust is an issue you're going
to need lots of time, that can help everything inside you relax. This
takes time. OK, we can do that.
(3) The truth is, when trust is
an issue, it may not matter how long your sessions are. Even hour-long
sessions may not make a dent in how much non-pressured company those
parts need. We're taking days, weeks, even months sometimes.
So
let's end the session in a way that also lets it continue. Here's a
phrase I like: "I'm sensing what kind of contact it wants from me even after the session is over."
You
can also take time at the ending to sense an image or a symbol that it
wants to show you, that will help you stay with it or find it again.
