“I have a hard time staying on track…”
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Heidi writes: “My question is about focusing alone. I have a hard time staying on track and, well, focused. What usually brings me to focusing is a sense of ‘something wrong’. It’s hard for me to get to the point where I feel there is a shift because it all feels quite vague and nebulous and I wonder if I’m making things up and if I’m really moving.”
Yes, well, I think focusing alone IS hard. I think it’s worth doing what it takes to find and work with a Focusing partner. I’m starting a new Path to Lasting Change, Part One phone class on November 13 that still has a few spaces in it; one result of such a class is being prepared to be in a Focusing partnership, and people often meet partners in the class.
Even if what you ultimately want to do is Focus alone, working with a partner builds the skills that are needed for Focusing alone: being able to be in Presence with what you feel, staying on track, finding and staying with felt senses (instead of just our usual feelings).
Having said that, let me respond to Heidi bit by bit.
“I have a hard time staying on track.” I would suggest having a pad of paper with you, and writing: first the issue you’re Focusing on, then how it feels in your body right now. As you stay with your body process, you could write down a few words to describe each stage. This works for many people as a way of staying on track. (It’s a substitute for a partner saying back your words to you.)
“What usually brings me to focusing is a sense of ‘something wrong’.” Good! I think that’s a good starting point. Then you acknowledge that, stay with it, and sense how you would describe the feeling of it.
“it all feels quite vague and nebulous” A partner helps SO much with this! (Sorry, I’ll shut up about partners now 😉 )
Some other suggestions… You can “sharpen” your feeling by saying “I feel fine about this, right?” It will usually intensify in response: no it does not feel fine, thank you very much!
You might need to wait a little while before starting to describe it. Use the word “something,” and repeat out loud if it helps: “Something is here.” “I’m feeling something.” Then after a bit you can usually start to describe it. Remember that a description is not an explanation, it doesn’t have to make sense; it’s a good description if it helps you stay with the feeling.
“I wonder if I’m making things up.” The more you are in contact with what you are feeling, with the felt sense or the “something,” the less you will wonder if you are making things up. This is because you will have something right there, to check with.
Contact is so important. “Making contact” is a key stage of the process, and must happen before we can go deeper, in my experience.
“…and if I’m really moving.” Of course the part of us that wants us to be “moving” needs a hello. Focusing brings “carrying forward” in your whole life because something has been heard as it needed to be heard. If your intention is to “get it,” to hear it to ITS satisfaction, you’re on the right track. If you’re trying to make something happen, you’re on the wrong track.
Try this: “I’m checking with IT if IT feels I’ve understood it.”
