Is What Part of Me Wants Already in Me?
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Jennifer asks, "If I'm listening to a part of me, and it wants something, is that thing it wants already part of me? Sometimes I can feel that what one part wants, another part has."
Dear Jennifer,
The phrase "already there" is such an interesting phrase when it comes to the Philosophy of the Implicit, which is the philosophy behind Focusing.
Because the answer is… yes, and no.
Before I explain that enigmatic answer, let me say something more about Wanting. It's great that you're listening to what a part of you wants. And I'm sure you've noticed that what a part wants has many layers. There are external circumstances–"It wants a new Mercedes"–and there are relational connections (which are also external)–"It wants me to have more good friends"–and then, deeper down, there are the wanted feeling states that the partial-self wants you to be able to have.
What Barbara McGavin and I suggest is, when you're listening to the Wanting of a part of you, that you keep listening until you're in touch with a Wanted Feeling; that is, what it wants for you to be able to feel FROM having a Mercedes, or from having more good friends, or whatever it was in your case.
The Wanted Feeling will be not so easy to describe… it's actually a felt sense, not an emotion. Your body will show you this whole feeling as an intricate whole, and as you take time to feel it and describe it, it becomes more and more alive in you. And it's delicious.
It Depends on What We Mean by "Already"
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So is that Wanted Feeling already there? Was it there all along, waiting to be discovered?
It was there, and not there… in a funny state that Gendlin calls "Implicit."
If we try to understand what "implicit" means, we're tempted to say things like "it was hidden," or "it was buried." But that would not be right.
What is implicit is unformed. It's not the same as it will be, when it forms. It "knows" what will be formed from it, in a funny use of the word "know."
If you are trying to remember something, and you have a feeling for what it is you need to remember, then you know when you have successfully remembered because that feeling changes. There's a relief: "Ah, that's it!" So we can say that the feeling "knew" what you were trying to remember… because it changed when you got it right. (Just like in Focusing, yes?)
In the case of the Wanted Feeling, when it comes we often feel as if we already had it, because there is such a strong feeling of rightness — it feels as if it brings us more of who we really are.
And that is true: finding the Wanted Feeling and feeling it fully in the body, symbolizing it, brings us more fully into Self-in-Presence. So Jennifer if you felt that a part of you already had what was wanted, I suspect that wasn't a part you were feeling–that was you.
