“There seems to be no forward movement happening.”
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A Reader writes: “I have been focusing on a difficult area of my life for some years now and there seems to be no forward movement happening. I am wondering if there are certain areas or certain types of difficulties that are not amenable to Focusing.”
Then she explains her difficult life area, and goes on to say, “Over the years I seem to be developing more and more of a sense of Presence, but it may be that I need to keep on focusing for this to
develop more fully.”
Dear Reader:
Good to hear from you, and this sounds like an important question. Next week I’m going to quote your description of your difficult life area and talk about it specifically. But first I wanted to devote a whole Tip to the question of whether there are difficulties that Focusing can’t help with– and what it might mean when we seem to hit a wall inside and come to the end of forward movement…apparently.
I will never say that Inner Relationship Focusing is the magical answer to everything. That would be silly. So don’t do only IR Focusing. Try other things… and use your Focusing-cultivated inner sense of
rightness to sense whether the other things are working for you or not.
So what if something in you suspects that Focusing isn’t working? Sure, that could be true. I’m not going to say that that’s impossible. BUT there is something else that could be going on, that’s much more common, in fact much more likely than that Focusing isn’t working.
When we are working with a difficult life issue–as you are, dear Reader–there can come a time when something in us seems to hit a wall of despair. And this is not because there is truly no hope… but actually the opposite. It is actually because there is a chance of real change, and there is something in us that doesn’t want what it is afraid will happen if that real change opens up.
Instead of saying “Stop, I’m afraid of change,” it says, “This stuff isn’t going to work.”
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As with all criticizing inner voices, this is a worried part that is literally telling you what it is worried about. It’s worried that it’s true that “this stuff isn’t working for you.” That much can be acknowledged right away. Under that you can probably feel the longing for change, the yearning for something to feel better.
But do ALL parts of you want to feel better, to be on the other side of the problem? Possibly not… and that may be a deeper reason you are encountering “this stuff isn’t working for me.” When I’ve done Focusing on some of my own stuck issues, I’ve became familiar with this stopping place. “There’s no way through this one.”
One thing I’ve done at such times is to hold the vision of the wanted change, affirming that this is what I’m wanting. Then I hold a wide, welcoming space of Self-in-Presence for those parts of me that peek out of hiding, that are actually terrified of that change. “Don’t know if I could handle that,” they murmur. “That will risk failure,” or “Then we won’t be numb any more and we’ll have to feel old pain.” As Self-in-Presence, I compassionately let them know I really hear how they feel.
And then, it’s been my experience, things start to move and shift again. I’ve faced addictions, obsessions, serious action blocks… and none has failed to shift, in time.
And all had “treasure” in them–the treasure of me getting larger and including more of myself in who I am.
