“I’m mostly listening to the voices of parts…”
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Nina writes: “It seems that my Focusing mostly consists of listening to the voices of different parts, and really hearing them – but I think I miss the important aspect of the felt sense. Listening to parts seems repetitive; they keep saying the same kinds of things, no matter how much I listen. I would like to know the difference between the felt sense and listening to parts. I seem to be stuck in the listening, and do not get how I can integrate the felt-sense thing.”
Dear Nina,
Of course, if your process seems repetitive, it makes sense to wonder if there is something more you could be including, or something you might be missing, that would help it move forward.
I think you’re right that listening to parts could work better if integrated with felt sensing. This is tricky to explain… maybe an example will work.
I’m Focusing today with the anxious feeling in my stomach as I think about this project that my friend and I are doing together.
I take time to settle down in a quiet space. I take time to feel the support of what I’m sitting on, sensing my feet and my seat and my back. I breathe. I feel my inner body: throat, chest, belly. I take time to arrive.
And yes, there is that anxious feeling… in my stomach. I say Hello to it.
I notice, after the Hello, it is still there, but there is a bit of relaxing around it.
I try out the word “anxious” to make sure that’s a good description for how it feels right now. Yes… it is…
Now I say, “I’m sensing something in me is anxious… and I’m sensing what kind of contact it would like from me right now.”
(At this point there are many possibilities. Let’s go forward with a process like Nina’s in which the “part” has a “voice.”)
It says it wants me to be patient with it. I’m letting it know I hear that.
I’m sensing what happens in my body when it receives that I hear it. Yes, there is a bit more relaxing.
I’m sensing if it wants to let me know more about what feels so anxious for it.
Time passes… I am patient… Now I am starting to sense that it feels alone and anxious. It says it doesn’t want to do it alone. I’m letting it know I really hear that.
And I’m sensing how it receives that I hear it. … Now there is a big relief. Whew! That’s what it was! This part of me has been feeling very alone! So I’m letting it know again that I really hear it… and taking time to feel that relief in my body.
Feeling the change
One big characteristic of the Focusing process is that we pause and feel each thing that happens. So you say Hello to something you feel, then you notice how it feels to have done that. You acknowledge that you heard what a part of you said, then you sense in your body how it feels to have heard that.
It’s slow… but slow is good. You’re staying in close contact with the “body feel” of each thing that happens. A relationship develops, between you and “it.” You can start to feel it trusting you.
And you start to trust, because you’re checking. You’re staying close. You learn what “yes” feels like – usually relief – and what “no” feels like – usually a dull nothing.
So if listening to parts is how your process works, keep doing that … but also check at each point for the bodily feel of what is going on. That keeps it real and opens you up to the potential for change in each moment.
