“I feel in my body: ‘This will never change.”
A Reader writes:
There is one stuck area I have been working on for so many years, I am sure it can’t change. I even feel in my body: “This will never change.” But I keep trying. What is the best way to accept that this isn’t going to change, and go on with my life?
Dear Reader:
This is a very important question. And, forgive me, but it is also the wrong question.
You are experiencing one of the most typical characteristics of a “Tangle,” the type of stuck life issue that Barbara McGavin and I have been studying for the past 22 years.
A part of us (called a “Protector”) decides that trying to change is too painful, and decides to convince us to give up. “Change isn’t possible.”
This part is trying to help you avoid suffering… but it is wrong. Change is still possible.
In a Tangle, how you approach the issue and where you put your attention is very important. Having an inner argument about whether change is possible or not will not get you anywhere.
Here’s my suggestion: Start with that body feeling of “This will never change.” Now use this language: “Something in me is really worried.” Take some time to pause and feel if the part of you that says “This will never change” is actually worried about something.
It may be worried that you will suffer more. It may be worried that you will be disappointed if you hope. It may be worried you will waste your time. When you sense whatever it is, let it know you hear it. Make an inner connection of compassion with this part of you that is trying so hard to help you. As you sense this part of you softening, there will be no doubt that at least this much change IS possible.
Watch a 4 minute video on Tangles
Untangling™ is also known as Treasure Maps to the Soul…see our upcoming retreats here.
