Focusing Tip #675 – “I’m scared if I do Focusing I’ll have to change my life completely.”

Focusing Tip #675 – “I’m scared if I do Focusing I’ll have to change my life completely.”
October 2, 2019 Ann Weiser Cornell
Change life

Focusing Tip #675 – “I’m scared if I do Focusing I’ll have to change my life completely.”

Do you ever worry that if you focus on your feelings, you will have to change your life? Read on…

Ada writes:

Every morning I feel completely lost. Even if I had a great time the day before, it feels like all of that is deleted and all that is left is a huge emptiness.

When I realize that I can focus on that emptiness, I get scared of what will come up – like changing my life completely, quitting my job, etc. So I prefer to ignore it since it will overwhelm me and make me feel worse.

Any suggestions on how I can overcome this fear?

Dear Ada:

So there is a feeling that comes every morning, a feeling like “lost,” and a sense of a huge emptiness. And then there is a feeling about that feeling, a feeling of fear that there is something there that will demand that you change your life.

It sounds to me like what is needed is to cultivate your big Self, Self-in-Presence. The more we can cultivate Self-in-Presence, the more we know that all the messages from inside us are trying to help us. And that we don’t have to do what they tell us. We are still the ultimate deciders.

I remember a time in my 30s when I was living in Chicago. Gene Gendlin lived there then, and it was the center of the world for Focusing. I was assisting him with workshops and we were building a network. My husband wanted to move to San Francisco, and I said, “Go ahead. I’m staying here.”

So he packed up and left and I waved goodbye. The next day I woke up with a pain in my lower abdomen. It was so strong I even went to a doctor, but the doctor said there was nothing physically wrong with me. So I did Focusing with it.

The message was: “You made the wrong choice.”

After a lot more Focusing and imagining different futures, I realized that I needed to move to San Francisco. I was stepping into the unknown, but it felt really right. Here is what happened:

  1. Because I left the center of the world for Focusing, I started a newsletter that connected the Focusing world for the next 30 years.
  2. Because I was no longer directly assisting Gene Gendlin, I developed my own way of teaching Focusing that has helped and inspired people worldwide.
  3. I love living in the San Francisco Bay Area!

So Ada, here is what I hope you will take from my story.

  • You are still the one who decides. Your body can’t make you change your life. It can just tell you how you feel.
  • It’s not one Focusing session, but many, that goes into a big life-changing decision.
  • It’s a wonderful thing that, if you really need to change your life, there is something inside you that will knock on your door until you listen!


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