What if you try to give empathy to a hurting part, and you find yourself telling it to change instead? Read on…
Sara writes:
Recently you wrote that I as Self-in-Presence can give a part empathy.
But when I try to give empathy to a hurting part of me, it is coming from some dominating “I know better” place mixed with some sugared contempt. Like some place that says “You poor thing, you worry all the time,” and this part thinks that the part could just choose not to worry.
As I write this I feel I could give a lot of empathy to that part. I want to hold him. I feel he suffers a lot.
Dear Sara:
How beautiful! You found a part that wasn’t Self-in-Presence, but was pretending to be. And you recognized that!
And then you were able to give empathy to that one, which is exactly what I would have recommended. Good for you!
Parts do step in sometimes when our intention is to be Self-in-Presence. Probably because they worry that we ourselves can’t be Self-in-Presence or do it well.
This kind of part has been stepping in all our lives when there wasn’t enough Self-in-Presence around. (So by now it’s probably exhausted!)
You recognized it wasn’t really Self-in-Presence by its tone of sugared contempt, and it’s attitude of “You poor thing, I know better.” Of course that wouldn’t be Self-in-Presence!
When we’re operating as Self-in-Presence, we are curious and empathic, and we know that everything inside us is doing its best to help.
Including this part, the one that “knows better” than the hurting part. It’s also doing its best to help. Sadly, it can’t help very much, being a part. But it’s great to approach it from the understanding that it’s trying!
