What does it mean to change if your parts don’t need to change? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I have heard you say that we are genuinely not trying to change our parts, since that is not the way transformation works. It is the relationship we have with our parts that is transformed, not our parts themselves. Our parts do not ever need to change.
This is unclear to me because I’m wondering how the relationship we have with our parts transforms while the parts themselves do not transform. Can you say a word or two about this?
Dear Reader:
You are right! There isn’t any way we can change our relationship with our parts without our parts also changing.
But the parts don’t have to change. And we are not trying to change them.
If I accept you totally as you are, and you find yourself transformed by being totally accepted as you are… You changed but I didn’t try to change you.
Let’s look at the history of this inner relationship. Let’s say you have a part that always wants to draw back from human contact for fear of being hurt.
And you have another part that is worried if you keep acting on that part you will end up being lonely and alone.
These two parts are at odds with each other. They will never agree. What each of them is used to is pressure and arguments from the other one.
But now you are here. We call this being Self-in-Presence. You can have a relationship with both parts. You can say to each one: “I’m here with you, I’m listening, and you can be the way you are.”
For each of the parts, that is a whole new relationship! One of allowing, acceptance, listening. Neither one of them has to change. But in the absence of pressure to change, both of them will change.
Change without trying to change. It’s beautiful.
