September 15 2009 – Getting Unblocked #31

What drives most of us to do inner healing work with ourselves is the urge to change, the feeling that things are not right as they are.

Sometimes
that urge is so strong it turns into self-blame, a feeling of
wrongness, painful criticisms of ourselves. "If only I weren't so…."
(lazy, self-indulgent, scattered, confused, stupid… add your own
label here!)

And this in turn can lead to the urge to get rid of
or do away with aspects of ourselves. "If I just didn't have the
addiction to sugar I'd be fine." "If I could just get rid of my fear,
then I could accomplish so much."

But when I take sides against
myself, there is no life-forward-movement that can happen. Trying to
make myself other than how I am, from this taking-sides position, is
hopeless. It's like standing on a rug and trying to move the rug.

So how can I change? Carl Rogers had the secret: "When I accept myself as I am, then I can change."

But HOW do I accept myself as I am if I don't accept myself as I am?

When I find something in me that doesn't accept how I am, I say Hello to it.

I acknowledge it. I turn toward it with interested curiosity. I can be with it.

And in being with it: I am not that.

It
sounds like this: "I'm so tired of encountering my fear every time I
try to go public in some way. If I could just get rid of my fear, then
I could accomplish so much. Ah, OK. I need to say Hello to something in
me that is tired of the fear. *whew* I can feel that makes some space
inside. Yeah, something in me is tired of the fear… and also
something in me is afraid. That's there too… Now I'm being with both
of them, and I'm bigger than both. I can feel this big space. I'm
taking deeper breaths. I really have a sense of possibility here."

So to say it simply: I can't make myself accept, but I can turn toward non-accepting.

I can't make myself change, but I can turn toward what's in the way of change.