March 6 2007 – #101

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"A pervasive and general unease"
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Colin writes: "We're all familiar with the
more obvious recruits for Focusing - those 
invariably waiting for us each time we turn
inside - but not so much about 
the less accessible background feelings, it
seems to me (a pervasive and 
general unease, in my case) that seem to wait
invisibly in the wings of 
everything else, affecting how it is felt and
thought about. Is there a known approach for
teasing this feeling out more into the open?"

Dear Colin,

You're right, not everything that needs some
Focusing will march up to our door and knock
on it. Other aspects of our selves seem to
lurk about in the shadows... and to be
slippery and elusive when we try to tease
them out.

So of course, we will not try to tease
them out, or coax them out, or drag them out.
That wouldn't be respectful. We need to trust
that however they are, they are for some good
reason... and that includes being elusive and
lurking in the background.

What might be the reason that something in us
would be elusive and lurk in the background?
My first guess is that it somehow feels
unsafe. It's taking evasive action, trying to
keep from being pinned down. We need to
assure it, wherever it and however it is,
that it is not going to be pulled or dragged
anywhere.

As so many things do, this comes down to a
question of Presence.

I remember working with someone whose felt
senses were very elusive. As soon as
something began to be described, it would
disappear. I was puzzled until the Focuser
gave me a clue to what was going on. She
said, "Every time I chase it, it runs away."

"Ah!" I said. "You're chasing it!"

"How about if you just sit down. Stop chasing and
just sit. Let it come to you, if it wants to..."

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"It seems to hide as much as possible"
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Colin goes on to say: "Its natural
inclination seems to be to hide as much as
possible, contact 
being the last thing it seems to want!  Each
time I turn to look it quickly 
slips away, which tends to make it immune to
the usual Focusing approach."

Sounds like it doesn't want to be looked at.

But don't worry, Focusing is very flexible.
You can do Focusing without looking. For
example, notice that you can sense behind
your own back. (The philosopher Merleau-Ponty
pointed this out.) This proves that we can
sense without looking.

And in the same way, if something in you is
hiding, assure it that it can keep hiding. It
doesn't have to come out.

Then, invite it to let you know what kind of
contact it would like from you.

Even if it says, "Go away," as in a recent
session I was facilitating, we can understand
that as we would a "Go away" from a child. It
really means something like "Give me space"
or "Don't push me." It still wants
non-pushing company.

And from that place, gradually, without
pushing, you will be able to sense what it
feels like. After all, you're already sensing
some of its mood. Keep going, respectfully
and with no assumptions, and it will
eventually reveal its heart.